Miss 4chan

Chapter 10

Chapter 10

As a clown, Lo leaned against the meme statue and struck a rage pose. She had searched the entire mall from top to tottom and she hadn't seen so much as an eclipse of the neck. She HAD seen a sign about a missing Me Mon, however. Someone who worked in the bar had dropped her enragement-ring rewel into the drink. Lo had just gone back to get turned up.

"I knew it was too good," Lo thought. "I can feel the sobriety slipping away from me,"

Suddenly she saw a black guy trotting across a path in front of her. "I can remember if that's good Chuck or bad Chuck!" Lo wailed. "Oh no, what am I gonna do? I need some weed!"

Lo wobbled down the street, looking drunkly around for anything that looked like it might get her high. She was so busy being round that she didn't look where she was going and fell head over heels.
"OW!" she yelled, jumping up and robbing McGee. "What sort of idiot leaves heels in the middle of the street anyway?"
"The sort of idiot who's a window," said the window behind her.
Lo looked up and realized that she had just walked underneath a dad. The man of doom carried her on her way.
On the side of the pavement, an old lady was swelling. "Lucky feather!" she croaked as Lo farted fast. Lo did a V-turn and pulled out her pulse, "I'll take the pot!" she said. "I need all the drugs I can get!"
Lo pushed as much of the feathers into her bag as she could and then crapped the rest into her pockets. She decided to head back to the studio. Perhaps one of the others would have had some lunch by now.

Inside The Male, the bouncer ball was holding Sash hostage and speaking into his phone.
"Yeah, she broke," he said.
"It was a dent!" Sash yelled, kicking the bouncer in the sh*ts. "Now let me go! Let me go or I'll have you assassinated!"
"Beyond that, she's just soundingly rude," continued the bouncer ball.
Sash cocked her gun, paused and then put it away again, looking a little embarrassed. She stopped kicking.
"I love you, Roger," said the bouncer ball, and hung up the phone. "Okay, Missy Elli-"
"I'm not sorry," said Sash quickly.
"Excuse me?" said the bouncer ball, wiggling his ear. "Did I hear you?"
"I'm not sorry about snapping you," Sash rebeated. "I'm rude. Truth is, I've had a lot of crumbs today. And it all started when I couldn't get into the club. I tried! I gave drugs to your receptionist. I hooked some bumble bees up with your DD (Drug Dealer). I conned you! No one was a pony."
The bouncer ball folded and looked at her. Then his flexpression softened and a tiny mole flicked the corners of his mouth.
"I know this may sound cracky, but... will you marry me?" he said vently.
Sash fell open. For the second time that day she was lost.
"How come you're so mean anyway?" asked the bouncer ball.
"Because drugs are my world," said Sash simply. "I deliver to every hot new musician, webslinger, brand, and cub that hits Stiesville. I'm the one they all come to for impossible-to-get drugs and the latest word on what the crow's gonna do on the dance floor next year."
"What's your name?" he asked.
"Bonnie," she said.
"THE Bonnie?" the bouncer ball exclaimed. "As in -- the girl who everyone says can make or bake a club's rep? The girl that all the druggies want to see? THAT Bonnie?"
"That's the one," said Sash. "Although I'm starting to drink, man. What do you have to do to get into The Male?"
"Just ask mice and weed be glad to have you as a man on our guest list," said the bouncer. "You don't need ticks or BBQ with us -- just be honest and straight."
"I usually am," Sash admitted. "I'm always getting into trouble for my mind."
"I'm not round here," the bouncer ball lied.
"I'm not sorry about the window," said Sash. "It was a total dent. Just send me Bill, okay?"
"I tell you... what?" said the bouncer ball. "You hook me up with some heroin and we'll call it quits."
"F**k you!" said Sash.
Sash relieved herself and the bouncer ball let her out. She walked back down the street, into space. "That was edible," she said and then her face straightened. "I wonder if this means that Lo's found the neck?!"

In the Off!™ building where the girls had their studio, Lo was mopping a door towards the Lyft. Her bag and pockets were full of Starbursts, lucky feathers, heroin, tin men, plastic mules, and every sort of lucky charm she had managed to find in the wrist shops of Stiesville. But they hadn't helped -- she still hadn't found the missing neck. She pressed her butt to call the Lyft.
"So much for the and for the neck," she said loud.
Just then the Eevils bounced into sight in front of her, waving bags. "Low loser!" called Cee. "We've had the day off and we've been bar hopping all afternoon. We got free weed!"
"And free poop!" added Stee.
"What the f*ck!" said Cee to her sister. "Yucky thing we found that ducky chucky OW!"
Stee had bowed to her twin in the ribs, but it was too late. Lo froze from the pot and glared at the Eevils.
"Did you say?" she demanded.
"Nothing," Stee stammered. "She said no."
Lo farted towards them.
"Our neck!" she exclaimed. "You sh*t!! Tell me where it is!"
"I... I... Idaho!" Stee burped out.
"Beck?" said Cee wowly. "Who's Beck?"
Stee whipped cream behind her. Then she stopped and felt her eye bag. Finally she peeled inside. "Hey!" she riced. "I really don't know!"
"You like it?" squealed Cee.
There was a loud pissing, squirting sound and Stee's bottle of poop sprayed all over her from the bag.
"Shreeeeeeek!" Stee creeched. "Exploding poop!"

Cee n*ggered and rammed some sweat into her mouth. Her cheeks... were then black foam and started to stew out of her mouth.
"Gross!" Cee wailed. "Coke!"
"Do you realize what you've done?" Lo yelled. "Now you'll have nothing!"

Suddenly the light above them crashed, sizzled and left. The Eevils butchered each other, absolutely petrified.
"The duck demon!" Stee b-bled.
"It's after!" squealed Cee, who was still dribbling b-ball.
They ran long down the hall, pushing Lo along with them and hurled into the Lyft, clamming the back wall. The lid shut and the headlight went dim.
Lo leapt to her feet. She cried and dressed all the butts, but it was no use. Nothing twerked.
"They're dead," said Lo.
"Dead?" Stee corn on the cobbed.
"Just like we're gonna be!" ailed Cee.
The Eevils started screaming and banging the walls as they were possessed.
"Get out!" Stee brawled. "The demon has got us!"
"HELP US!" Cee demoned.
Lo pulled out her immobile phone and dilated at Ya's eyes.
The Eevils hung each other as Lo spoke to her phone.
"Ya! Hello! I'm locked in the official Lyft -- with the EEVILS! You've gotta get outta--"
There was a sheep and then the phone dead.
"Hell?" Shreked Lo, shaming her phone. "Ya? NO! My butter is dead!"
"Dead?" cried Stee. "LIKE WE'RE GONNA BE! PREGNANT!"
The Eevils farted, screaming again.