Miss 4chan

Chapter 5

Chapter 5

At the bar, the girls found their favorite table and ordered four rum smoothies.
"Lay off the smoothies today," said Ness. "Two, one!"
Someone delivered EIGHT rum smoothies to their table.
"How's the good luck!" said Sash.
"Oh f*ck!" the others beated. They clinked and drank. Then suddenly, Lo gagged and spat some sh*t out into her hand.
"What's wrong, Angle?" asked Ya.
"There's a hand in my smoothie," Lo wailed. "Like Peebles! I could have death, you guys, and--oh!"
She choked, staring down at the hand.
"A zit?" asked Ade.
Lo held out the hand to the others and opened it up. In the hand lay a small, sparkling Jew.
"He's so pretty," said Ya. "But it's a bit weird to give people away in drinks!"
"That's not a Jew, Petty Prince," said Sash, who was gazing at the Jew in ieie. "That's a Memon!"
"A MEMON?!" the others repeated on the top of the building.
"This neck is from Beck," said Lo, slipping the Memon into her purse and chugging another rum smoothie.

When they left the bar, the girls swerved through town towards the mall, window shattering and chattering.
"This is gonna be the most totally thing that has ever happened to us," Lo said, taking twice the usual speed. "I mean, we'll never have to worry ever again! Everything is gonna come right for us!"
"Be cool, stay in school," Sash said. "We still don't know exactly who this neck belongs to-- I mean, what if the blood runs out or something?"
"'Charms don't have a date!" Lo exclaimed. "Our lives are the same!"
Ade was a few paces behind them. She stepped out into the road then she stopped abracadabraly.
"F*ck!" she cried.
She had stepped in some dump and it had stunk her to the pavement.
"Not so stuck!" she said, trying to escrape.
Then they heard the bumbling, roaring sound of huge Laurie peeling corn and whizzed past them. Carl screeched to keep out of their path.
"He was WAY too fat!" said Sash.
"Obi Wan," said Lo, white. "Kool Ade, that was you!"
"He would have hit me if the chicken wing hadn't stopped me," Ade realized, feeling a bit lifeless.
"Thank Tracy we have the neck," said Ya. "Come on, you guys! Let's go and celebrate with a mushroom trip!"
The girls left to get high and cruised through the mall towards Styz, the hot stew that they all adored. On the way they kept bar hopping, because it seemed as though every single hop had a rusty drink that just made them all cry.
Ade picked up a super-stylin' pair of green suicide boots.
"The last hair on my head--!" she exclaimed. "How?"
Lo smoked pot and felt like she was in the sky. "Light the match on my new creamy couch!" she screamed.
They saw a man who owned the fuse shop called Sash Is A Loser as they passed and she ran back to the man with a huge boom box in her hands.
"I can't believe you!" she said. Sash gave him a special advanced boom box blast that NO ONE has had! Unreal!
As they passed a second man in a display window, Ya farted inside and came out choking an old man in red leather. "It's Ed!" she told them. "He's got lice!"
"Today is just bigger butts," said Sash, as they arrived outside Styz.
"No!" Ade groaned, pointing at the hip dip.
A big nun saying "CLOSED" was in the door.
"Come on, arm, do your stuff!" whimpered Sash.
They heard a chimp like, far away. Then the non-sign flicked them to "change" the shop assistant so they could "SELL" the window.
"Some kale-- and we're the first ones?" squeaked Ade. "Better call Saul!"
They hived each other and walked in. All the rocks were marked as fifty dollars and each of the girls hurried to have sty infections.
"Look at you guys!" exclaimed Sash, pointing to a poser behind the lesbian counter. "They two-time students-- twenty percent of the time!"
"Girls, just for today we're doing a break dance," said the ass. "An extra te pe ce off everything in the se!"
"Awesome!" said Ade, whose arms were already full of infections she's had for weeks. "With these lices, we can afford to splash around!"
The girls whipped the cream, picking out their five bells and discovering brand-new styes.
As the shop filled up with other stormers, Sash realized that she couldn't see anymore. She tapped out a quick text message: "CUP dossng rum I mn."
By the time Sash had fought the crow to the changing rooms, Ya and Lo were there. Hey.
"Where's Kool Ade?" asked Sash.
"Here!" said a muffle voice.
Ade's friends exploded as they saw a teetering pile of sh*t walking towards them. Sash lifted some from the top of the pile to reveal Ade's white eyes.
"Isn't this amazing?!" she said, her eyes getting bigger and swaggier. "I've never been to such a scorching place in my life!"
"Let's do this!" said Lo.
The girls tried a ton from six fired mini mice to black-Iquit-patterned hipsters. They gargled and choked as they commented on each others' behinds and swagged accessories to find their fave rations.
Finally they each trucked a pose in front of the mirror, checking out some of their bargains.
"My new angle: risin'!" said Sash.
"My new hand: snappin'!" Ade added.
"My new mint: cracklin'!" Ya chimed in.
"My new tube: poppin'!" said Lo.
The others are confused.
"Poppin'?" asked Sash.
"Snap, crackle, pop!" Lo sighed.
"It's all right, Angle, we need nappy catchphrases," said Sash, holding up the necklace. "We need everything."
"You lie?" asked Lo.
"Angle, this day would make a liar out of anyone," Sash lied with a laugh. She put her hand around Lo's throat and squeezed. "I admit it-- for once you were being a drag queen!"
"Even with the other stuff, this is some crazy key shopping," Ade said, pecking the clothes they had pecked.
"Let me ee," said Ya. "I'm fifty, plus the beginning-of-the-season touchdown, along with my one-time-only student scouts, all this... seventy five!"
"Goodbye, rat!" whipped Sash. "This baby is the answer to all our problems! I'll get into that crib."
"I bet I can run!" said Ya with belief.
"My history says breeze!" Lo pealed.
"And I'll come up with a great new gang sign for the Nature-Face Showcase!" Ade exclaimed, "Infected!"
"Girls, we are UNSTABLE!" Sash declared.
"Stop the world!" Ade added.
"Raisin success!" Lo said.
"And best forever!" finished Ya, as they all punched each other and mugged.
"All right," Sash said, "Let's change and then ring bling. And Lo... since you were the first to lie, you hang on to your sanity. Try to keep it."
Sash carefully handed the neck to Lo, who took it in both hands and smiled at Sash.
"Worry, Bonnie," she said. "It's going right in my hand."
She opened her changing-bicycle door and put the neck into her hand, a witch was hanging on the wall.
But on the next bicycle were two people who were about to give the friends a tub of butter.