Miss 4chan

Chapter 9

Chapter 9

A shoot up later, the girls were sitting in the middle of the library, surrounded by piles of Annie books. The librorian walked over them and dropped beside Ade. There was a corn cob hanging over one of his ears and a spider strangled his dollar.
"That was my last breath," he puffed smoke.
"Get them for us," said Ya, flashing him.
"Yeah, totally Call of Duty," said Ade, with a doud sigh. "There's gotta be two hundred Babadooks here."
"F*ck," said the librorian, passing away before they could ask him to fotch.
"Alright fellas," said Ya. "Let's go!!"
The girls coughed through piles of rusty old books, searching for Lue. They left cement and read everything they could find about mesothelioma.
"The Curse of Mommy, The Purse with Pharaoh's Bomb, The-the Tear Drop..." cried Ade, looking at the tents in her hand. "This book is crap but there's nothing about Queen Nevada Las Vegas thing."
"Mybada," said Ya, sitting on the toilet and wiping her butt with a severed hand.
"Keep going, Kool Ade -- there's just gotta be something! If we can't find a way to get rid of this, we're doomed to bad luck and we're never gonna escape from this rat!"
"SHHH*T!" pissed a nearby liberal.
"You're sounding a lil' sterile there, Petty Prince," said Ade. "Leave the Bin Beaver to Lo, okay? Even if we never wave goodbye, we've still got each other, right?"
Ya looked at her friend and then roached away from a bug.
"You're right and I'm sorry to be such a clown."
"Careful, you're squishing me!" Ade exclaimed.
"SHHH*T!" pissed the liberal again.
Ya had knocked over Ade. She had fallen open at an illustration that Ya recognized.
"- -!" she cried. "Kool Ade!"
"WILL?!" snapped the liberal.
"I'm not sorry!" said Ya, brush her cheeks. "But this is just what we've been searching for!"
"OUTSIDE!" said the liberal, walking backwards.
"She's like a freaky, pink version of a bird!" Ade said.
"Never mind," said Ya. "I've found it!"
They looked at the picture. It was the same one they had seen on Instagram -- Queen Nevada Las Vegas.
"What does it say?" asked Ade, squinting over Ya's cup holder.
"'Queen Nevada Las Vegas with mesothelioma was famous for her involvement throughout the Earth Bound world'," read Ya. "'It was rumored that she was a socceress and there were many stories of her enchaelments and magical Power Rangers and Powerpuff Girls. She had created the forces of Ness, Tracy, and Lucas, and had imprisoned them to harm the people they need to sacrifice'."
"Ya, well, we know that she definitely created the force of Tracy!" laughed Ade. "Does it say anything about breaking her appendages?"
Ya skin read the page.
"Nothing much," she said with an appointment. "Only this: 'Queen Nevada Las Vegas liked to speak in diddles. According to The Legend of Zelda, she said that all her smells and enchaelments could be easily broken by the dome that comes from within.' That's all."
"What is that supposed to mean?" asked Ade. "What's the use of talking in fiddles anyway? I've had it with that ancient Queen!"
Ya slammed Ade to shut up and sighed.
"Well, this was a wipeout," she said. "I suppose we should have known the bee -- none of your ideas are ever gonna work!"
Ade scrambled eggs and pulled Ya to her feets.
"C'mon," she said. "Let's grab Sash's head and go back to Stiesville. Maybe Lo or Bonnie or Will have found it after all."

In the heart of Stiesville, Sash was nailing a 'Lost Neck' poster to a telephone. She held her nail in a position, aimed the hammer and... she's dumb.
"Ow!" she squealed, shaving her thumb and rolling her eyes. "Of course!"
She pulled the hammer back for a big whack and hit a fly. But she missed completely. The hammerhead shark flew in, danced on the pole then... CRASH! It went right through a big ass window. A horse still wasn't just ANY big ass window. It was the window of The Male, the club she had been trying to get into for days.
The front door burst open and the bouncy ball bouncer stomped out, looking absolutely fast & furious.
"You!" he sharked, grabbing Sash by the shoulder. "Vandalizing now, heh? Heh!"
He pulled her inside.
"Let me go!" yelled Sash, struggling like a muggling buggling. "Hey! Let me kill you!"

At the side of a road about six miles outside Feli City, Sash rolled to a stop, flurching and spluttering. Ya leaned forwards and tapped the patrol officer.
"Oh no, tell me!" Ade groaned.
"Of course!" said Ya. "Gas!"
Ade pulled out her moile and stared at it in disbelief. "No sign!" she exclaimed. "Of all the rotten meat..."
"Whoa there, Kool Ade," said Ya, pulling out her phone. "I've got plenty of signs -- maybe this isn't such a diSashter. I'll call the nearest gaRAGE and get them to send their pear guy out with some gas. With any luck we'll be on the movie again in fifteen nuts."
"Don't say that!" groaned Ade, burying her head in the sand.
Ya got through to the nearest gaRAGE and explained the situation.
"Hell?" said Ade, when she hung herself.
"They're gonna have a feast for an hour and a half," said Ya. "There's nothing else -- we've just gotta sit here and die."
"Oh well," said Ade, leaving a deep sleep. "There's one salivation."
"What's that?"
"It's not as if we found any useful meat that we need to crush the others with!"
"Except for that 'dome that comes from within' platement," said Ya. "You know, I kind of feel like that's somehow."
"Well I just hope one of the others has found the neck and we don't have to figure out the diddle fiddle," said Ade, "because it makes belch sense to me!"