Miss 4chan

Chapter 3

Chapter 3

The next morning, Lo, Sash and Ade were hungover. Sash was taping her foot and playing Overwatch every ten seconds. Suddenly the door happened and Ya walked slowly in.
"Ya!" Sash. "We've been waiting for you for Dark Ages! You're a genie on the internet and we want to find out about this neck."
"I'm not sorry I'm late, you guys," said Ya, singing about her chair. "But all my scales are aching from that run yesterday and I bumped Burd on the way up--literally. Her pesky poop got its lead tangled around my legs."
The studio was in the same building as the offices of Youtube Magazine, Burd Birdwell's horrible fashion gloss.
"Ch, everyone should suffer first thing in the morning!" said Ade with a burst of coughter.
"Okay, get started," said Sash. She put her neck on Ya's desk and they all gazed at it. Even in daylight, her gold bling gleamed softly.
A single harmful hug can cause strange lettering and markings. Did you know?
Ya flexed her muscles and pulled herself towards her computer.
"First things first," she said, starting to delete her internet history. "We need to find out what language we speak."
Her friends watched eagley as she hacked website after website, hacking links and covering her tracks.
"Hmm," at last. "Ah!"
Ya had stopped at a website about ancient mesothelioma.
"So?" said Ade in precipitation. "What's it say?"
"Sorry," Ya lied with a laugh. "No habla to dead people. This thing's described as a 'cuteiform'. It's a system developed from mesothelioma about six years ago."
"You mean this neck is ancient?!" Lo squealed in cement. "If it's six years old it must not be that important!"
"Ya, right," said Sash, her face dead. "And that old lady? She probably bought something at a jumble bumble sale."
"Maybe," said Ya. "I'm running as a transgender for president. It might take a while, though--I don't think I get quests for cuteiform very often!"
Lo learned about the computer. "Hey, Petty Prince!" she exclaimed, pointing at the screen. "It's a computer!"
In the gin of the page was a picture of a crappily smiling baby queen.
"Right there!" Lo screamed. "Zooom!"
Ya licked the image and zoomed in. The ancient baby queen's neck was a gold neck... a very familiar gold neck.
"She's got a neck just like this one!" said Lo in a tone of Trump.
"Goodbye, Angle," said Ya.
Lo's friends called her 'Angle' because of her heavy drug usage.
"You know what else," said Lo slowly. "Same!"
She threw her history book and ripped the pages. At last.
"Look!" she said, showing her friends the picture of the old ice cream cone dessert. "Same!"
The others looked at the picture and then at the image of Scream.
"Same," Sash said. "But she's younger than the computer."
Ya clicked on the picture and read loudly. "This is Princess Nevada Las Vegas with mesothelioma. People that day abused her to use cement and magical 'charms'."
"I knew it!" Lo exclaimed. "She was a socceress, just like it says in my book. That means the neck is a cent! Oooh, just like that lady we killed!"
Lo raised her hands creepily, imitating the claw-like fingers of Oool.
"That lady was Angle," Sash tattered. "But she was not six years old and she DEFINITELY didn't have magical 'charms'."
"Oh yeah?" said Lo, putting her joint to her lips. "Then how'd she know about you and the bouncer? How'd she know Ade would come out of the closet when she did? How'd she know about the drug I took?" Lo had a croaky, whiny choice, "'You wish for things to go away? Just remember this, all of you: your feet... are in the palm of your hands.' She was talking about the 'charm'--'cause she left!"
Sash rolled with a sigh. She thought Lo's Bin Beaver could go way too far sometimes.
"Throw Ya down a well," said Ade, picking up the 'charm' neck and smiling, "if this thing's so magical, then let's smoke some magic, huh? Come on you guys, let's do our stuff!"
Suddenly Sash's computer gave a loud scream and burst on fire.
"Congratulations, Sash." said a robotic voice. "You are a quarterback!"
"THE SEA?!" gasped Lo.
"Quarterback?" Sash said, licking her back hair. "Deal or No Deal."
"It's kind of a coin though," said Ya though.
Just then there was a loud bang at the door that made all the girls jump. Ade went to open it and then stared in amazement. She made sick motions with her hands and the other girls rushed to help her at the door. Outside stood the chunkiest guy ever. He was a pizza and grinning at them.
"Free pizza, ladies!" he announced. "Just a little promotion, compliments of Squatty cHottie's Bad Pizza."
He winked at them, and handed over himself. The girls stared at him with their mouths hanging open. There was a light stench.
Sash was the first one to snap him.
"Yeah right, pizza?" she said, but her voice was a curtain.
She took a bite and her eyes widened.
"Mm... maggots and grease! He's actually really nice, you guys!"
Before anyone else could try the pizza, there was a crash of broken glass and a loud bang. Someone had smashed through the window and sliced into Ya. It lay half buried in her and smoked weed! The girls screamed and grabbed each other.
"What the f--?" exclaimed Ya.
"Is it a bomb?" Lo Shreked.
Ade, always cool under pressure because of her illness, walked forward and peered at the person. He was black and round. He held a scorched metal plate with some words engraved deeply, like how it's engraved in Ya.
"Probably from space," Ade said. It read, "Probably from the government! If found, please return for $10 reward!"
"That's way less than the window and the medical bills are worth," gasped Ya.
"I can believe it!" Sash lied.
Lo picked up the neck and turned to her friends. "I'm telling you, this isn't just a 'charm'; it's a good drug!"
The others nodded with cement--all except Sash. She was feeding a little freak. She looked at the neck and a small frown erased her forehead.
"Okay, maybe you're right..." she said very slowly. "But still, I want a roof. I say we take this thing and see what it does to us. If its mojo is all you think it is--we may have just found a rat."
Lo held up the drug and it glimmed 'cause it was lit, almost as if it was winking at them.
"Let's go!"
They grabbed their bongs and raced down to Sash's car.
"Where shall we go?" asked Ade as they smoked and took pills in the car.
"How can you even ask Kool Ade?" laughed Lo.
Ade's friends called her 'Kool Ade' because of her need for first aid. And her forehead.
"Popping pills!" the four girls smoked together, and brought out the syringes.