Mayara Lovato (a Demi Lovato f.f.)

- Chapter 9

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P.O.V. Mayara

I've been alone in my room for over an hour. I can hear Demi and Dallas talking about me with Mom downstairs. I can't cry—I'm numb.

You always have us!
Shut up! I don't even know you!
You made us, stupid little fat whore!

That one hurts.

Go away... go away... go away...

I pace around my room, my chest tight, my thoughts spinning. Everything feels too heavy. I want to disappear, to hide, to stop feeling all of this at once.

Go cut, cut, cut.

The voices won't stop...

I pace to the bathroom, my chest tight and my thoughts spinning. I stare at my reflection in the mirror, wishing I could just disappear, wishing the pain would go away. My hands shake, my heart races, and I feel trapped inside my own head.

I splash cold water on my face, trying to calm myself, but the images and thoughts won't leave. I take a deep breath, clutching the sink, and whisper to myself, I'm stronger than this... I can get through it.

I sit down for a moment, letting the tears fall freely, trying to push the chaos inside my mind out without hurting myself. I rub my arms as if I could shake the fear and anger away. Nothing is gone yet, but at least I'm still here, still fighting.

"MayMay, can we talk, please?" Demi knocks gently on my door 10 minutes later. My heart jumps. I open it.
"Sure... what is it, Dems?" I say, trying to sound calm.
"Can I come in? This might take a while," she says, worry written all over her face.

We sit on my bed together.

"May... Mom, Dallas, and I are really worried about you."

I sigh, looking down at my hands.
"Yes, I know. I heard you talking."

"Ow... sorry you heard that. But we really are worried. Why won't you open up? Just talk to me! I know it's not just your period, May," she says softly.

Tears escape my eyes. Why am I so weak? She lifts my chin, and I see tears streaming down her face. I made her cry.

You always do.

She hugs me tightly.
"Anything you tell me is okay. I promise I won't judge you. I've been through dark times too," she whispers.

Her words feel like a lifeline. I cling to her, letting myself cry for the first time in hours. My sobs shake my body. Demi strokes my hair gently. I let her lift up my sleeve and she lets out a sigh.

"May... look at me," she says. I lift my eyes, red and swollen, meeting hers.
"Everything is going to be okay. I will help you through this, I promise," she says firmly.

"H-how... am I going to be h-happy?" I whisper between sobs.

"The first step is telling me how you really feel," she says. I nod, feeling the tiniest bit of hope. I want to be happy again, even if the voices in my head are still screaming.

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