Loved

14.

In the morning, I wake to Ichiru snoring very lightly. His auburn hair glows with the morning sun coming through the blinds. I touch his hair softly and carress his cheek. I lean in a little, but stop.

"I can't do it... I'm straight...." I whisper, almost inaudibly.

Ichiru shifts a little as I pull back. He can't know. I lie on my back and sigh.

"Whats wrong?" Ichiru mumbles sleepily.

"Huh? Oh nothing . . ."

"Are you sure? Cause if anythings the matter... if you need anything... I'm always here for ya."

I sigh again, this time because I know he's there and that's my problem. He is my problem. I don't know how to deal with him. He makes me feel something. I don't think I love him. I don't think it's just that he's my best friend either. I might . . . I don't know. But he can't know that I might. Ugh.

He gets closer now, "Is something the matter . . . Is it anything I can help with?"

I shake my head. "I told you, I'm fine. There is absolutely nothing wrong."

"Okay..." he says after a moment of hesitation. I sit up to get out of the bed, but Ichiru grabs my arm and pulls me back down. "Stay in bed with me a little longer. I love y— er, I like to sleep in, and I think you could use the extra sleep. Plus, you're cute when you sleep."

I blush. "I-Ichiru! Stop. I don't need to sleep anymore!" I push Ichiru away trying to get off of the bed. Ichiru just grabs me again and pulls me close.

"Cuddle with me a little longer." He whines.

"Mmm.... Ichiru..." As much as I want to fight it, I cant seem to do it. I relax a little bit and bury my face in Ichiru's chest. He's so warm.

His fingers run through my hair, sending shivers down my spine. Something in the way he breaths is soothing, it's like he's breathing just for me. I can't explain what is getting into me, but I look up at him. He looks at me and we make eye contact. It's not awkward like someone would think, it was comfortable. His eyes were warm and I found myself getting lost in them. I was drowning in those big pools of his. I was drowning, but I didn't want to swim back to the surface.

Ichiru's eyes close now. I find myself frowning just slightly. He leans in slightly, but seems to go back. He's hesitating. I can't help it, I caress his face and pull him closer to me. I slowly put my lips onto his. I can tell he's surprised by my action because he doesn't kiss back immediately. He slowly starts kissing me back passionately. He puts his right hand on the back of my head, playing with my hair. Both of my hands are on his face. He licks my lips and I open my mouth just slightly. His tongue explores my mouth. I can't help but blush. Our lips part slowly and both our eyes flutter open. Ichiru's eyes are dilating. They always do when he looks at me.

I look away from him embarressed. "S-sorry...."

"Don't be sorry. That was.... surprising. I didn't think you...." His voice trails off.

"I.... it.... erm..." I can't find the right words for what I'm trying to say. What am I saying? Am I trying to say it was an accident? It wasnt an accident. Was it?

"Don't speak... I know you don't love me... I get it... you didn't want that..." He looks sad. I made him sad. I keep doing that.

"I.... I didn't.... I... I meant for it to happen... I just... I don't know why...." I mumble.

He looks hopeful for a moment. "Okay. Well, youre straight... you said it yourself.... So you must have not really meant it."

I sigh. What do I do. He has a point. I break eye contact with him and just turn around. He is now to my backside. His arms wrap around my waist and pull me closer to him. I put my hands on his because I don't know what else to do.