❝ For my partner of all times, Jon. ❞
Vera Lu is part of one of the deadliest gangs in New York City. She is a trained assassin with an unfortunate past that shaped her into who she is today.
She is on a mission to eliminate her target, the mysteri...
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-- V E R A
I hung up on Jon and my head felt like it was on fire.
I felt guilty.
No, that wasn't the word.
I felt hopeless. I had lost the only person who had truly cared for me.
Just like how I lost my mom. Except this time it was preventable. I was all to blame here.
I was selfish for that.
Selfishness is a fundamental principle, determined by whom you live for- yourself or others. In this case, I lived for myself.
Out of my own selfishness, I didn't tell Jon how I felt.
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I refrained from pouring out all my feelings to him because I believed it was pointless.
The complicated emotions were better left unsaid and passed in silence, as some matters are better explained without words.
Truth be told, my feelings were still jumbled, and I couldn't differentiate between love and want.
I didn't understand if I loved him or if I just enjoyed the place he held in my life.
I thought about all the feelings he had made me feel and all the small gestures he had performed.
I thought about the day at the pier, the statement; the trigger that started it all.
"Kiss me, then."
His deep voice when he uttered those words were still crisp in my mind even after all these years.
The sentiment and passion that flourished inside me after that was magnificent.
The confusion, the shock, and most importantly-
The euphoria.
Flashback
"Kiss me, then." His once cocky smirk fell right after he stated the three words.
My eyes immediately dropped down to his lovely pink lips. They looked soft and I wondered how they would've felt pressed against mine. His voice brought me out of my sensual thoughts.
"I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking. I didn't mean it."
I felt my heart drop along with my hopes for something more than a platonic relationship with him.
I shifted a bit, embarrassed that I had gotten so excited about kissing him.
"We should go back, it's getting late," I blurted out nonchalantly. I saw his face darken with sadness but I couldn't do anything.
I couldn't tell him I wanted to kiss him.
I couldn't tell him I loved him.
____________________________
I winced at the beautiful yet painful memory and before I knew it, I was sobbing.
The release of every bit of sense I seemed to have left was peculiarly comforting.
My mind felt at peace for once and I seemed to have temporarily gained an ataraxia. I could finally think straight.
The longing for Jon to come back still lingered but perhaps this saudade was what I needed.
I had lost both my mom and Jonathon, but my mom's death was futile.
This is reversible.
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a bit of deep/emotional stuff from vera!
sorry if these past chapters kinda suck, i've been experiencing writer's block i promise there will be some better content in the near future
