Chemo Therapy during 3rd Period

June 28

Wow! Life has been so crazy. I graduated high school. I have learned so much about myself. Aunt Kathy or I guess my mom, her and I have been working on our relationship. Kate, Taylor, and I have been going on a ton of adventures. Visiting different mountains, cities, and trying new restaurants. Kate and Nash have been hanging out a lot too. Kate says there is nothing going on, but she has no idea that Nash has a crush on her. He keeps trying to ask her out, but either he does not have the courage or when he starts to she gets busy with something. Taylor, oh Taylor. She has been traveling a lot. She is down in Newport Beach California, for two weeks. Its been weird not having her here all the time.

I know everyone is wanting to know, Carson and Michael.

Graduation night: After getting my diploma and turning my tassel and the ceremony was over, there was a senior party. But here is the thing Michael is not a senior, so he was not invited. Taylor and I went to the party, it was at this huge house with a pool and a lot of fun activities. After swimming, I was a little chilly. Carson came over and put his jacket around my shoulders. He asked if we could go talked at this table that was a little far away. We sat down, he looked at me and poured his heart out. He talked about how he loved me. How he could not imagine life without me. He told me how he felt so bad that he and I had broken up. All of the sudden, he leaned in and kissed me on the cheek. There was this porch swing that overlooked the whole backyard to the place. He grabbed my hand and walked me up there. We sat there and we swung on the swing. He put his hand over mine.

"Carson, I am with Michael."

-"Spencer, I know and it kills me everyday."

"You made this choice."

I stood up to walk away. But he grabbed me and pulled me onto his lap and kissed me. I just stood up and walked away. I did not say a word. I grabbed Taylor and we walked back to her car. All of the sudden, I feel someone come up behind me and grab me and kissed me again. But this time the sunset was behind us, Taylor apparently knew about it and took a photo. Carson leans down into my ear and whispers "Please continue to think us."

As Taylor was driving us back to her house. She just kept looking at me.

"Now Tay, I do not want to talk about. I do not know what to do. I love Michael. But something about Carson...."

"I thought you did not want to talk about."

"I need to think about it. I need to think about it out loud.

"Spencer, answer me this? When you woke up in the hospital, who were you more excited to see? Carson or Michael?"

"Carson."

"Who makes you smile the most?"

"Michael"

Taylor just gave me a look.

"Spencer,  I have know you for 14 years. Seeing you with Carson is the happiest I have ever seen you."

I went to bed, with everything okay. I woke up to complete chaos....

Some of my classmates had seen all three time Carson kissed me and sent it to this twitter page, where students from my school post secrets. I was covering the feed. People thought we were back together. But then Michael commented below: Spencer, do you care to explain anything?

I woke up to texts, screenshots, phone calls, and so many people tagging me in the pictures. I could not believe, that this was happening. Taylor woke up and looked at me. What the hell just happened?

Taylor and I had to turn all my accounts private. We sat there in her room. I was hiding. I did not know what to do. Where to turn. I looked down and Michael was calling me. I answered it.

"Hi."

"Spencer, what the hell is going on? When were you going to tell me? Did you think I would not find out? Spencer I love you. You are dating me. Not him."

"Michael. I need to think about this. I need time to think. I love you both."

"This is not fair... You do not get to love us both. You do not get to drag both of us along. You know, something I never told you, is that one night when I came to visit you, I heard you sleep talking. You said his name. It hurt me terribly. You clearly love him more. He was the one who sat there with you when you first went through chemo. He will always have that over me."

"Don't you dare bring in my cancer. That is not okay. Its my cancer, not our cancer. Back off."

I hung up.

Taylor and I went downstairs. We were drinking coffee, we sat outside by the pool. We heard someone pull into her driveway. Taylor got up. She answered the door. I hid behind the wall in between the door and the living room.

"Carson?"

"Taylor, how is she? I can't believe people are posting about her."

"She is fine. She is not really talking about it."

"Is she here?"

"She is here. But she is upstairs sleeping. She is tired. Her body is struggling to process this."

"Has she talked to Michael?"

"Yeah he called her. He is mad at her still. He brought up the cancer. He brought up how he heard her calling for you. She did not know anyone knew. I don't think she even knew."

"He told her.. I need to see her. Will you tell her I came by?"

"Actually, hey Spence."

I came out from behind the wall.

"I do not want to talk about it. I should not even be talking to you. But here I am..."

I walked away. I just went back to bed. I needed to calm my brain.  I looked at my phone, a text from Carson came through.

Spencer, please. I love you. Please do not shut me out. Do not write us off.