Chemo Therapy during 3rd Period

January 27: First day of Chemo

8:30a.m. My mom wakes me up, telling me the nurses want me awake when I do chemo in an 1 hour and 45 minutes. To kill time I work on homework. I first do all my math for the week. It was pretty easy. My mom has me out in in a Manila folder with my math teachers name on it so that my grandma can take it to the school when she leaves today. I have 10 minutes still. I sit there on my phone. Watching different snap chat stories. I see my friends smiling and laughing, and I here getting ready to get inject with some many different types of chemicals.
11:00 a.m.- First dose of chemo.. Was interesting. I don't feel anything, yet. My mom allows me to relax for the next hour. Then she wants me to eat lunch and get started on more homework. It's raining again today. I decide to go for a walk through the halls. I stop at the end of the hall to sit on a bench. I shouldn't be sitting on a bench in the hospital, I should be sitting in 4th period. I shouldn't be trying to comprehend Doctor terminology, I should be trying to understand Spanish. I feel tears come on. I decide not to cry because what will it solve. Nothing. My cancer won't go away because of my tears. My tears won't transport me back to school. I head back to my room, and go into the bathroom. I look in the mirror at me pale skin and my brown hair which hits me just below my shoulders. I look into my blue eyes and blink. 4 or 5 weeks ago my biggest worry was if my mom bought me the clothes I wanted for Christmas or if I bought her the right items. I walk to my bed and decide to watch some Netflix.
12:57 p.m.- My mom interrupts my marathon and tells me to do my Spanish homework. Which I do. Most kids would be thrilled with 2 weeks off from school but for me that stresses me out. I like my all A's and 1 B. Plus I don't want or need the schools stupid pity on me. I hear a knock on my door. It's Jacqueline, she looks at me with a smile and says "How are we doing?" "I'm doing okay." She looks at me and gives me a look, that makes me shed a tear. She wipes it. "Its okay. Cry. Because if you don't do it now, its going to bottle up. Which one day it will cause you to explode. I need you to always be real with me. Always remember that I may be your doctor, but I am also a friend, a confidant. I am a Spencer fan it this battle. Cancer is going to lose." I am smiling, with tears running down my face. She just hugs me.

3:30 p.m. - I was sitting in a chair glancing out my window. I hear someone knocking at my door. Its Kate and Taylor. They brought me magazines and a stack of letters from my classmates. Apparently it was an assignment to write me a letter of encouragement. My friends fill me in on all that has happened at school. Taylor tells me that Carson has helped make sure the rumors about me do not get to crazy. I keep catching Kate just looking at my stomach. I finally told her "you can touch my right side." She sticks her hand out and is so close to touching it and she pulls away but I grab her and I place it where my liver is. I grab Taylor's hand and have her feel it. They have tears in their eyes. I ask them "Why are you so sad? This is a minor setback for a major comeback." My mom comes in my room and sees us all sitting in my room. My mom says "this is not usually how I see you girlies."

4:30 p.m.- The girls finally left just a little bit ago. I look at the letters and I laugh. My poor classmates. why would my English teacher make them do this. I search through all the letters and find Carson's

Spencer
I know everyone is going to tell you that you are going to kick cancer's butt. I KNOW YOU WILL WIN BECAUSE I KNOW YOU AND YOU PLAY TO WIN. So Mrs. Mayson is making us write these letters because she thinks it will help as grow closer as classmates. Something I have never told you is how strong I think you are. I have watched you for the last 2 years walk onto a basketball court and kick some serious butt. You are always there to help your teammates and classmates. You know how to make people laugh and smile. You also know how to irritate me, by being super stubborn. Spencer, it sucks that you have to go through this, but I don't doubt that you will win this battle. Text me anytime you need to talk or you need someone just to be there with you at the hospital. Fight hard Spencer!

-Carson

I think Carson might actually like me as more than just a classmate. But maybe going not. I can not express how much I wish I knew what was actually going on inside his head because I have gotten burned to many times. 2 times in the last year, a guy has become friends with me because he wants an "in" with Taylor. She is blonde and beautiful and smart and athletic. She looks prettier than Barbie and she is so sweet and genuine. But I hate feeling the way I do after a guy flirts hardcore with me only for me to get my heart crushed later. I am too tired to write anymore.

I look around my room, these walls are too cream for me. This is going to have to change. The only thing that is constant is the rain running down my window.