Chemo Therapy during 3rd Period

November 13

Its crazy to think that a year and five days ago I found out that I was not going to be able to play basketball my senior year of high school. I remember being so mad, but now my life is completely different I cannot imagine my life being different than it I mean besides the cancer. I have Carson, Kate and Kathy supporting me along the way. Its been 13 days since I started this round of chemo and honestly. Tomorrow I go in for my third injection and honestly I love the nurses in that area. They make me laugh so hard, I kind of in a weird way look forward to getting to see them. Last week, the nurse that was assigned to me that day got in trouble with the old lady next two chairs away for laughing. The nurse was asking if I had a boyfriend and I showed her a picture of Carson and she was like WOOOW HE IS A CUTIE!!! I just looked at his pictured and smiled. I know I just saw him, but I really miss him.

We video chatted this morning and honestly, he made my heart hurt because he is so cute.

We were talking and I got a text from Kate and it was a video of us from when we were little sophomores and we were at the coast and I literally made a noise that sounded like a goat. The caption was "have a goatastic day". I laughed so hard and looked up to Carson recording me laughing. He had the cutest grin on his face.

"What Carson?"

"Are you ever not adorable?"

"ummm YES!"

"I find that hard to believe, honestly your laugh is the cutest most amazing noise ever. You never fail to put a smile on my face. I honestly miss you so much!"

"I miss you too. I wish I could be there with you!"

"Hey Spence, is that my shirt?"

I turn to look behind me and low and behold a shirt I had stolen before he left was right there. So not so subtly I threw it under my blanket.

"What shirt?"

He just grins and laughs at me. "Oh how I miss you."

I just give him a big cheesy grin. "Guess what Carson?"

"What Spence?"

"I have a secret to tell you"

"OH really? What might that secret be?"

"I love you so much and I cannot wait to spend the rest of my life with you."

He just looked up and put his hand over his mouth, and then looked down. Which is usually what he does when he is trying not to get too emotional with me.

"Carson..."

"Spencer hearing you say that just warmed my heart and makes me wish I was there to kiss your beautiful face and hold you. You are my hold world. I cannot wait for forever with you."

November 20
I woke up feeling like I just got trucked. I wandered down the hall, and I felt like my body was struggling so hard. I haven't felt like this in months. I walk into the kitchen and Kate, Taylor, and Carson are all in there. Normally, I would be so excited to see them, but I wasn't feeling normal. I dropped to the ground in so much pain my body went into shock and I literally passed out.  I do remember Carson running towards me, trying to catch me. He caught my head.
4 hours later I woke up. Beep. Beeep. Beep. Beeep. That was my heart beat. I knew where I was before I opened my eyes, a hospital room in a hospital bed.  No one was in my room. I pressed the nurses button and in rushed Helen who then paged Jacqueline. The two of them sat on either side of me, and looked at me. I knew what was going to be said before it was even said. "Spencer, the chemo isn't working, the radiation isn't working. We are officially out of options."
-"what about a bone marrow transplant. I mean my donor is probably sitting in the waiting room. Let's just prep for surgery and do that."
"Spencer." Jacqueline looked up at the ceiling and back at me. "We are past that point, your body is too weak to handle a procedure like that. We have other options though, you can continue treatment and hope it works or we can pull your off our treatment."
Pulling me off of treatment meant that I would die within a month. I looked at them and asked for time to think. They left the room and I asked for no visitors not even Carson or Kathy. I needed to think. I laid in my bed for hours. I fell asleep and I slept easy knowing the decision about my future had just been made.
CARSON POV
Sitting in the waiting room waiting for them to tell me I could see Spencer felt like forever. Finally Spencer's least favorite intern and Jacqueline walked out. I gathered my jacket and knew that they were going to warn me about her condition but I could go see her. That's not at all what happened.
"Are you sure she said she didn't want visitors?"
-"she didn't say it because she is still asleep. She needs to rest, chemo is hard on the body. You all need to remember that."
I looked at Jacqueline who just nodded her head. I felt inside my coat pocket. A small box, with a ring. Today was suppose to be the day I proposed to her. But here we were instead. I love her.
Jacqueline turned to walk away but I caught up to her. "How Long has she been awake?"
-"I'm sorry Carson, she is asleep and you know I can't share that with you even if she was awake."
I knew Spencer was awake. She would get to come home soon. After she cleared all her test, I mean this episode was just her body reminding her to slow down.
I felt the box between my fingers, I now needed to rework the moment because this proposal was happening.