Chemo Therapy during 3rd Period

November 25

The heart is a precious muscle. Most people consider it just an organ but its also a highly important muscle. Sometimes we forget to take good care of it or our bodies get a stupid disease like cancer and are then injected with chemotherapy.  

I know Carson sat in that hospital room with me every day, I know I scared him. I know that makes me a terrible fiancée. But what I did not know was that Jacqueline and Helen would tell my secret, about my cancer and treatment. I did not know how everyone would react to my secret. After all it was my decision, my choice, and my life. I did not know who would stay or who would go. 

Today though I can proudly say I know have everyone handled it, because tomorrow is my wedding day. That's right I survived. Somehow and it is still considered a medically mystery, that the day Carson asked me to marry him my anxiety had been so high that literally my heart stopped because it was experiencing way to many emotions at once. Basically my body got a restart. You know when people tell you to turn your computer off and on again and it should fix the problem. Well that is what happened with me. I woke up about 2 weeks later with a healthy heart and my white blood cell count almost normal. I go in for test every month to see if maybe something has changed but so far... Everything has come out in the clear. 

HOLY CANOLI I am getting married tomorrow. I turn 20 in less than two months. I am moving down to California and attending the same university as Carson. The past year, has not been an easy road, tomorrow is the first day of my forever.  Carson and I are very much traditionalist in certain sense. So after rehearsal dinner tonight, when we left we went to separate locations, and are not allowed to communicate until we see each other tomorrow. I decided to update the world on my life. As I sit here writing away, all my friends are sleeping. Its kind of fun to scroll through pictures from the last year. 

First of all the two humans who raised me because Kathy did not feel like she could . They basically help pay for all my medical bills and have nothing to do with me. It sucked in the beginning, but if I have learned anything from cancer its that every moment in life is precious. Never take a single moment for granted. Kathy and I have been rebuilding our relationship, the truth about her kids that died in a car accident. That never happened, the two humans and Kathy just made it up. Yeah that sucks, but not too badly. I learned that I never met those kids because they were never real.

Kate  same old same old. She quit nursing school and decided to become an elementary teacher. Taylor is doing great. She keeps me laughing and she is excited we will only be about 3 hours from each other once I move down to California.

HOLY HELL CARSON. There are not enough words for me to express how much he means to me. Honestly he is my better half and I cannot wait to spend the rest of my life with him.

After writing in my journal I decided to go for a walk in the hotel. I walked down to the pool area and put my feet in the water. I had no phone and it was nice to have no distractions. I felt someone come up behind me, and put their arm around me. I was scared, but soon heard one of my favorite noises Carson's laugh. He came and sat by me. "I thought we agreed to not see each other till tomorrow." "Ya but I went for a walk, because I couldn't sleep and I saw you and just had to say hi." 

I nudged him. He nudged me. I stood up to go sit in a chair, and found this big chair. I sat down and the Carson sat next to me. "Spence, we get married tomorrow." "Ya. we do." We sat there silently. This had been the first time in a month, that we had not had someone else with us. We were enjoying this alone time. I felt Carson pick me up and next thing I knew I was flying in the air, hitting cold water. I soon felt arms around me. We swam around that pool like the little kids we are. We soon had to go our separate ways, because we both became tired and knew that we needed to be fully rested for tomorrow. He walked me back to my room, and he stopped in front of my door. "This is where I leave you." 

"Ya." 

Kissing the top of my forehead and pulling me in close I did not want to let go. I would do anything for this guy. Tomorrow I would wake up and I would get to become his wife. I walked into my room, and then turned back around and opened the door. He was still there, and I pushed myself up and kissed his cheek. "I love you Carson. You mean the world to me"

I went in my room, and jumped in the shower and into bed. Cancer changed my life, it changed my schedule. I'll never forget having cancer during third period, because it brought me the love of my life. I cannot believe I am saying this, but thanks cancer for coming into my life you changed it and me. I love my new life, and will never be the same. I cannot wait to walk down the isle and see Carson at the end, and get to give him the worlds smallest yet most powerful handcuff: his wedding band.

This will be my last journal entry. I have filled this one. Now its time to start one as Carson's wife.