Chemo Therapy during 3rd Period

July 3

I broke things off with Michael. I decided not to continue the relationship with him, because there was too much drama. There have been some red flags along the way. He always got jealous of my friendship with Carson. It was just easier. I realized my heart was never fully over Carson. He had my heart. I had been trying to deny it, but now I cannot fight both the feeling and fighting for my life.

Here I sit in LAX. Waiting to board a plane. After my last post Taylor's parents flew me down to hang out with Taylor. She was in need of a friend. Now I am heading back home. Carson is texting me. He does not know that I broke up with Michael. Sitting here in the airport, watching people.  These past few days with Taylor have been eye opening. I woke up one morning at 5:30 wide awake. Taylor's family was staying at a house on the beach and I grabbed my sweatshirt and went for a stroll. I was walking and I heard Taylor come up behind me. We started walking and talking some more about my current situation. We eventually just sat down on the beach, and Taylor pulled up a picture of Carson and Michael, and I swear it was like the scene from Hannah Montana. I swear I heard the song He could be the one.... We finished talking and I called Michael and just explained everything. He was mad, but I explained that this was what was best for me. He understood and that's how our conversation ended.

My flight leaves here in about 10 minutes. Carson has been texting me non-stop. He knows I am flying home tonight. I keep joking with him that he is going to show up, with a sign and flowers. He keeps telling me how he is not going to do that.

Carson never showed up that night and now he will not talk to me. I have not heard from him at all. I need to talk to him. I need to tell him that I chose him over Michael. But I am worried that something may have happened. I love you Carson. Please talk to me. There is so much we need to discuss. I love you!