Four months. Four months since Jahsehs been locked up. I haven't seen him in two months. A few weeks after the fight with Geneva I started getting more and more into pills and shit. I never told Jahseh about the fight either. I missed him. More than he'd ever know. But I left him. Pills are taking over my life.
"Hey homez." Isiah calls from across my room. I take my eyes off my MacBook and look towards him.
"Ay." I say quietly.
"I might go see Jahseh today. You should come. He misses you Kenna." Isiah say, looking at me worriedly.
"Nah he don't." I mutter.
"Come on. What if I get jumped yo. You gotta back me up." Isiah pleads, punching the air with his fist.
"Ight. Just give me some Oxys or something first. And molly?" I ask, jumping off my bed towards him. "And let me change." I slip off my regular jogging pants and tank top and put on a tight, green dress that reaches just above my knees.
"Here." Isiah says, tossing me a bottle of pills. I take out four Molly's and swallow them dry.
"Thanks." I instantly feel the effects.
Isiah drives us there obviously. At least I'm a bit responsible. I don't feel anything the whole ride. I don't even realize we're there until Isiah shakes me back to reality.
"Lets go. Act fucking normal." Isiah laughs, since he too is high as fuck. I smirk and follow him into the prison. It takes a bit of convincing but the officer finally lets us go to the cubicle together. Isiah sits on half the chair and I sit on the other half.
He looks good but, he looks like shit. He looks like he's at his low. His eyes immediately meet mine and they never leave. He doesn't smile. He doesn't do anything but stare. Isiah picks up the phone and says something into it, that I don't here. Jahseh and Isiah exchange a few words before Isiah hands me the phone.
"I'll be back." He says, getting up and disappearing. I look at Jahseh, then to the phone. What a buzz kill ay.
"Hey." I say slowly into the phone.
"Hey." Jahseh says back coldly.
"Um." I breath, not knowing what to say.
"Why?" Jahseh asks. I shake my head, suddenly feeling like I'm about to puke.
"Jahseh..."
"You didn't want to lose me. But you gave me up. Am I just a fucking joke to you? Am I nothing to you now?"
"No. I'm fucking sorry." I say, tears threaten to appear.
"I needed you. You never came back." Jahseh says, shaking his head.
"I can't do this." I mutter, blinking rapidly.
"You're going to overdose." He states. I stare into his dark eyes and he stares back into mine.
"Hey." Isiah says, laying a hand on my back. Jahseh shakes his head and I hand the phone to Isiah, walking away quickly. I walk back to the van and get in, closing the door. Then I lose it. I finally cry. I bury my head in my hands and cry so hard I shake. The car door opens and closes and I feel Isiah pull me into him.
"It's okay. Shh." He says calmly, rubbing my back. I shake my head and look up at him for a second before he pulls me into a hug. I told you before, Jahseh has done everything he could for me and I've never even thanked him. I've never been good to him.
+~+~+~+
I spent the next three days laying in bed all day. Doing pills, smoking weed, drinking. Even my mom didn't bother me. She knew. But I had no pills left so I finally decided to leave the house. I went to Isiah but he had none. I went to every nigga in this place but no one had. Fucking no one. I decided to steal my moms. I really didn't give a shit at this point. I needed them. I raided her room as soon as I got home. She had a bottle of some white pills, she only had five left so I took four. I went to my room and laid down again, swallowing them all. Better. Eventually I fall asleep again.
"Mckenna fucking Noel!" My mom screams, pounding on my door. I open my eyes immediately and walk over to the door, opening it.
"What?" I ask annoyed.
"You fucking stole my pills." She shouts, shoving me back a little.
"Literally I took a couple. Calm the fuck down." I roll my eyes and walk back over to my bed.
"Get out of my house."
"This is my fucking house to. I pay bills too bitch!" I yell back. She walks up to grabs me by the hair.
"Don't come back." She spots in my face.
"Don't touch me." I bark, grabbing her hand. She swings her fist and hits me in the jaw. I grab my jaw and she lets go of my hair.
"I'm taking all my shit with me." I say. I remove my hand from my jaw. I don't know I even grabbed it anyways. I couldn't feel anything. My mom storms out of my room and I grab a couple bag from my closet, shoving all my clothes in them. I put everything I have into bags and call Isiah.
"Hey wassup?" He says cheerfully into the phone.
"My mom kicked me out." I laugh. "Could I please stay with you a couple nights maybe?" Isiah and Jahseh share a house and it's just a few houses down the road.
"Fucking Jesus. Are you okay? Yeah come here. I'll be over in a second, wait outside." Isiah says quickly. He hangs up and I carry all my stuff to the sidewalk. Isiah shows up within a minute, immediately pulling me into a hug.
"I'll you put your bags in your car. Are you okay?" He asks.
"Yeah I'm cool." I laugh. He gives me a weak smile and pats my back.
"Isiah." I call as he starts putting bags into my car.
"Yeah?" He answers.
"When will Jahseh be back?" I ask.
"Soon." He nods, closing my trunk.
"I miss him Isiah." I say quietly.
"He misses you too."
"I'm pretty sure he hates me." I chuckle. Isiah opens my door for me and I get in.
"No. I visit him twice a week. Sometimes three. I tell him everything. What you did to Geneva. About Pipe. The pills. He misses you." Isiah sad, staring at me. I nod and he closes the door. I sit there for a second taking in what he just said. That's why he said I'd overdose. I turn on my car and follow Isiah to his house.
+~+~+~+
Five months and twenty seven days since Jahseh has been there. Too long. And still more to go. We still haven't talked but Isiah goes there and keeps us both updated on each other. I don't think I'd be able to see him yet. Maybe I'll wait until he gets out. Which probably won't be for a year. Maybe longer. Fuck. Isiahs there right now, he took all the pills from the house with him to. He won't let me have any which pisses me off. It's my life. I should be able to screw it up myself. "She don't wanna wait on me." That verse has been in my head for days. I didn't want to wait on him. Probably never did. Probably never will.
