Good song for this chapter: XXXtentacion- Tightrope (featuring Scott James)
I slip my black tights over my legs slowly, as I look in the mirror. I throw on the oversized, cotton black long sleeve that's sitting beside me. I stand up, still staring at myself in the mirror, and shake my head.
I decide to take a bus to Jahsehs show so I don't have to drive. I'm too tired to drive. I watch the trees, cars and buildings pass as many thoughts run through my head.
"Thanks." I mumble as I walk down the bus stairs. My feet hit the pavement and I look up at the big building Jahseh is in. I pull a pack of cigarettes out of my purse and light one up, still staring up the building. I look around and follow the sidewalk, looking around as I walk.
To me, there's a beautifulness in cigarettes. I can't explain it. I don't think smoking cigarettes is nasty or harmful. I think it's beautiful. The street lights turn on as the sun disappears little by little. I turn around and head back to the building. The show should be over soon.
I slowly open the door to the "dressing room" which seems surprisingly quiet. I feel as if I'm a fan meeting Jahseh for the first time. One step. Two steps. Three. I'm in. I look around the crowded room, calm music fills my ears and the rooms tinted red. Makes it hard to recognize faces. I see Craig and wave as he heads over to me.
"Didn't think you'd make it." He says in a low voice.
"Here I am." I smile slightly. "You know where Jahseh is?"
"The couch. Stay calm. Don't cause a scene."
I nod and walk off to the black leather couch I can kinda see through the red bodies.
Girls are laying all over him as I approach. The crowd of people part for me as I walk through, staring at Jahseh. He smiles down at one of the girls and looks to another, laughing.
I stop and look around. We both know what's going to happen. Do I want it to happen? No. Does he? I couldn't tell you. I take one last glance and continue walking but slower.
"Jahseh?" I say quietly as I reach him.
"Mckenna." He immediately stands up and faces me.
"I'm sorry." I say, glancing around at the people surrounding us. I look back at him and take in his beautiful face in red.
"I know. So am I." He looks down.
"Tell me why." I plead.
"I can't." He mutters. His eyes glisten, like he's about to cry. He is. "Maybe I was wrong. We aren't meant to be together."
"I don't believe that Jahseh."
"Neither do I. But I'm gonna try to."
A tear falls down my cheek and Jahseh wipes it away. He keeps his hand on my cheek and rests his forehead on mine. We stay like this for awhile.
"I love you." Jahseh whispers into my ear.
"I love you." I say back. I pull away and stare him in the eyes as he does the same. I lightly kiss him on the cheek. "Goodbye Jahseh."
I turn around and walk away slowly, tears threatening to flood this entire room. As I reach the door, I turn around and look towards Jahseh. He's still standing there, staring back at me. I see a tear shine on his face and my heart breaks.
I lost him again.
I literally wanted to cry writing this. I'm sorry it ended this way but it had to. It'll all come together in the second book tho. It'll be called Dead Inside and I'll post it soon. I'm very excited for it!! Thank you all for supporting me and continuing to read even tho I took a hundred months to post some chapters. I love you all 🖤
