I have no reason to be depressed. I have no reason to be upset. Sure I've gone through some hard shit but, who hasn't? I have no reason to be suicidal. I have no reason to hate the world. But here I am. I don't hate the world because of what I've been through, I hate it because of what it really is. I know what it really is and what it's about. The world isn't great and wonderful, it isn't a privilege. It's hell. Jahseh believed the same thing. Although we never talk about his depression or mine, we know how each other think and feel. Jahseh has been getting a lot of hate lately, he pretends it doesn't hurt him but I know it does. Even if it's just a little. He's been gone for a week, doing shows with the boys. I'm not worried or anything, I trust him. Yet I feel like we've grown apart. We haven't actually talked about what we are. We haven't labeled anything. But if someone asks he says I'm with him and he with me. We haven't talked in a couple weeks. Geneva been coming around a lot, looking for him. It's whatever. I know he hates her.
"Whatchu doin?" London asks, plopping her fat ass on top of me.
"Sitting on the couch obviously." I say, shoving her off me.
"Bitch you really just gon mope around like this?" She stands up giving me a nigga face.
"Yes." I smirk.
"Get your ass up. Let's go. We're going to a party tonight." London pulls me off the couch and drags me upstairs to her room.
Why tf not? If Jahseh ain't Tryna be mine then I can do whatever I want. I pick out my sexiest outfit and put it on. I glance at myself in my mirror and yell for London.
"Yo bitch come tell me how I look!" I yell. She immediately appears in my room.
"DAMN GIRL YOU GOT IT!" She yells, smacking my ass. I laugh loudly and smack her ass back. "Come on girl hurry up." She giggles, running back out my door.
After I'm done my makeup I meet London downstairs. She also looks hot as hell.
"Let's take my car." I say as we walk down the steps.
"Let me take a picture of you girl. That'll surely get Jahsehs attention." She winks and grabs my phone.
"Okay." I smirk and pose for her.
I look through the three photos she took and decide to post one on my snapchat and insta.
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After a few minutes of arguing, I finally give up and let London drive. She knows where we're going so I guess she should.
We arrive at some big ass mansion and I jump in my seat, excitedly. I take a selfie of London and I and post it to my sc story. I scroll through everyone's stories and press on Skis. He was smiling into the camera, bobbing his head. He switched the camera over and I notice Jahseh sitting next to some bitch. She's smiling and all over him. He's smiling back down at her and laughing. The camera quickly moves to a big speaker system that's blasting out the song H2O.
"Fucking bitch." I mutter, shaking my head. Ski posted that almost a day ago. I roll my eyes and get out the car. I make sure London locks it at least five times before we make our way to the party. I'm bout to fuck some shit up and I know it.
+~+~+~+
"Ay." Some light skin nigga calls, approaching me.
"Ay." I smile towards him and he takes a seat down beside me.
"Why you alone?" He asks, looking around.
"My friend ditched me to go dance. I don't really dance so here I am." I laugh. I'm a little drunk and high. I've smoked one blunt with London and some other people and one all myself. I had one shot of tequila and I've been sippin Hennessy for a while. I've drank almost half the bottle.
"Come on." He smirks, looking at me. "Why don't yo dance?"
"Just not fucked up enough to dance." I say honestly.
"Well how bout we get fucked up then? I'm Rick by the way."
"I'm actually down. And I'm Mckenna. Nice to meet you." I smile.
"No no. Nice to meet you." Rick smiles back. He fidgets around with his jacket and pulls out a couple oil js and a blunt. He lights up the j and passes it to me. As I'm smoking the j he sets up a couple shots. This boy knows what he's doin.
His hands feel like they're glued to my hips as i dance. He turns me around so that my ass is against his crotch. I go with it and bend over, grinding and laughing. I look up at him and he smiles down at me. Man I'm fucked.
"Kenna!" I hear someone shout. I ignore the voice and keep dancing. "Kenna!"
London appears in front of me and I laugh.
"I'm having fun!" I giggle yell as Rick smacks my ass.
"Fucking X is here, looking for you!" London screams. I look up and immediately see Jahseh staring at me. He's standing a few feet away. I stand up straight and turn my back to him, continuing to dance with Rick.
"What's wrong?" Rick asks as I swing my hips against his.
"Nothing." I smile.
"You wanna get the fuck away from my girl?" I hear Jahseh yell. Hes now standing right beside Rick.
"This ain't your girl." Rick spits back, shaking his head.
"You tryna get yo pussy ass beat?" Jahseh yells loudly. By now people are starting to look and walk towards us.
"You better back off." Rick says, shoving Jahseh. I can see the anger in Jahsehs eyes. He could kill Rick. I grab onto to Jahsehs shoulders and try to back him up.
"Jahseh stop." I say. "Look at me." Jahseh glances down at me then back to Rick.
"What the fuck are you doing?" Jahseh yells at me. I flinch and look away.
"You haven't talked to me in over two weeks!" I yell back. He finally looks into my eyes and his stare stays.
"So that means you can cheat on me?" He spits.
"You've never asked me to be your girlfriend Jahseh. We just fuck. You were all over some bitch on Skis story?! Remember that?!" I yell. I shove Jahseh away from me a little. He keeps staring, not saying a word. "You just use me! You leave and fuck around. I can't trust you Jahseh. I can't do this anymore. I can't act like it's okay cause it's not. I deserve to be treated better." Tears threaten to spill so I look up to ceiling and blink them back, hoping Jahseh won't notice. He still continues to stare and say nothing. "Go." I say getting angry. He doesn't move. "Go!" I yell. He shakes his head and backs up slowly. He turns around and disappears into the crowd, leaving me again.
