What If...

J

J,
For 4 years I've been trying to get over you. But I can't. You possibly don't even think about me as much as I think about you. Possibly you don't even think about me at all. You were my worst heartbreak and my best lesson. Well, so far. The experience of our almost relationship has taught me so much about what I want in a person. It has taught me to not go too fast into liking someone, to get to know them better first, to see what kind of person someone is, and to believe in all the bad signs that out rule all the good. You have hurt me and I'm still hurt by the memory. I miss the happiness that you made me feel, the hugs, the talks, the way that we fooled around in class & the little things that you did. There were so many things that I shouldn't have stayed with you for. Fighting with my friend over you was one of the stupidest things I've ever done. Why can't you just be straight up with me? It could've saved me so much hurt! But you decided to just let it trail on. All these years all those questions have been running through my mind. All the memories and all the things I regretted. Did you enjoy seeing two girls fight over you? Was it all for entertainment? To just hurt us and just drop us when you were done and bored? Was that the plan? Because I've been thinking about all of this for so long! All the "what ifs" that could've changed something. All the things that you said. Everything. I don't know if all these years if I was still in love with you or just by the memory of the good version of you. I've written this story trying to get over you. For the past 4 years I've been scared, nervous and anxious about seeing you again at a random place and time. I keep imagining all the times that I would see you and how everything will play out. I know that I was the one that gave up on you, but you didn't fight for me either. You didn't question it. I've been suffering from this heartache for years, I've liked other guys during these years but nothing happened with them. I just end up going back to suffering with this pain in my heart. Thank you for giving me the answers that I have been wanting for SO long! If you wanted me to stay, I'm sorry, hopefully you understand that I can't go back to you again. I can't let you hurt me this time. I know better now. I can't make the same mistake twice, it would just make me even more dumb than before. I will not be fooled by you anymore. Thank you for showing me the kind of guy I don't want to be with. Thank you for showing me this even if it hurt me the worst. All this pain has finally ended.  Even though you've hurt me, I hope you find someone that will change you for the better and that you are happy. All the best...

Sincerely,

Natalie (Yzabel) :)

{A/N} -------------- It's finally the end of the story! I'm so happy with this! It has been a long year worth of trying to finish this story and let go of the real Jax. I have definitely come a long way. Thank you many times for all the support you have given me! I appreciate all of you so much and I'm thankful too! I love all of you! <3

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