my name is aaron (ftm)

6

I trudge through the rest of the day like I'm walking through molasses.
Slow steps across campus.
Through the molasses.
Locating my classrooms, which are all conveniently on the opposite sides of the school from each other.
Slow steps.
Avoiding the stares and whispers as I shuffle through the hallways.
"Did you see her beat up that guy?"
"That's the girl who beat up John Crean!!"
"I heard that she made him bleed."
I want to grab them and strangle them every time they say "she", "her", "girl"...
People only see what they want to see, which is me kicking John.
People only hear what they want to hear, which is that he raped me.
No one hears me when I say "My name is Aaron. I'm a boy.".
Even in front of the whole school.
I hate human beings.

The slow steps stop after the bell rings.
I begin my walk through the molasses to go home, when I see him.
An ice pack in hand, grimacing as he talks to some boys.
The molasses turn to clear water and I sprint.
I don't look back as I begin to run home.
My earlier confidence dissipates with the molasses as it's replaced with fear.
I know John won't leave me alone after what I've done.
I know he will want revenge.
I don't know what to do.
I just hope what I did was bad enough to get me suspended, so I can avoid seeing him.
Avoid being forced to pass by him in the hallways for the rest of the school year.
But... Someone told Mr. G that they saw him that night. Will that be enough to deem John guilty and give me a free pass for beating him up? What do I want more: Getting in trouble and getting out of here? Or getting John in trouble and staying here?
I stop to catch my breath.
I have to say, even with the baggy sweater, running is a lot easier without long thick hair getting in the way.
Still, walking will take longer and I'm not in the mood after today.
I find a dollar and a few quarters in the bottom of my backpack and take the bus home.

Day one of school is over.
Hardly worth celebrating.
It's nothing but a preview of the year in hell about to come.

"Arona!"
I cringe. Aaron. It's Aaron.
"Arona, how was your day?" My mom rushes over to greet me.
I close the door behind me and shrug. As I shrug, my hood falls off and my mom gasps loudly.
"Your hair!" She exclaims.
I reach up to touch my hair. Or what's left of it.
Oh. Right.
Mom covers her mouth as she inspects the damage. She runs her hands through my now short and choppy locks.
"Oh, Arona!" She wails, "What happened?"
Ugh. Come on, mom, it's just hair. It grows back.
"Oh, darling, you had such beautiful hair! It was so long and shiny..." She reminisces.
Gosh, mom, sorry. Next time I'll save it so you can make a shrine for it.
I shrug her off and say I smell something in the kitchen burning so she quickly runs off. I lug myself up the stairs and lock myself in my room.
The bed invites me with open arms and I accept its invitation.
I lay on my back and stare blankly at the ceiling. Like almost every day for the past year, the day replays in my head. I close my eyes and I can see my brain projecting it onto my eyelids as I'm forced to watch. I can almost hear a little whirring sound in my head like when people play old tapes.
I see me "talking" to Sadel, cutting my hair in the bathroom, John Crean touching my hair in the quad and kissing my cheek. Ew. I see Mr. G dragging me from the quad to get my schedule, then the way John crumbled to the floor when I kicked him. His face. His blood. His eyes. His blood. His glare and his laugh ringing in my ears and "You're not a boy" and the whispers and stares of the people "She beat up John Crean!" and Mr. G and his ducks all staring at me and everyone is laughing and calling me a girl and-
I bolt up. Awake.
I don't remember falling asleep.
I feel tears sting my eyes and I wipe them away before any can fall.
Turn to see the time and my alarm clock says it's 4:30 am.
My phone buzzes and I stare at it quizzically.
No one ever messages me.
I pick it up and squint at the sudden brightness.
[Hey dude]
What?
Who is this?
The term 'dude' sounds familiar and I suddenly remember the one part of my day I hadn't replayed in my head.
I open the text and type back.
Screw?
[The one and only.]
How did you get this number?
[They don't call me the screwdriver for nothing.]
Okay, that's completely unrelated and you hate that nickname.
[True, for both. It's also true that you know where Shark Park is?]
Yes.....?
[Cool beans. Meet me there in ten minutes]
Oh, great. Meeting strangers at 4 am. How did you know that's my hobby?
[Did you know you're very sarcastic?]
Noooooo (sarcasm)
[Exactly. You've got nine minutes now, btw]
I am not meeting you at the park at 4 am
[Eight minutes, Aaron.]
I stare at the screen, that one word shouting at me. Aaron.
[Seven minutes.]
Okay, okay, shut up. Give me ten again and I'll be there.
[Ten minutes it is.]
I turn off the phone and stare at the wall.
This is crazy. I'm going to get caught. He's gonna do something bad to me.
I think of that tooth gap grin and the way he called me Aaron.
The next thing I know, my hood is on and I'm pedaling my bike to Shark Park.
This is stupid, this is stupid. This is so stupid.
I stop my bike and look around in the darkness. I'm the only one in the park.
Damnit. Idiot. I never should have-
"Hey, Aaron."
I jump and scream a not very manly scream before whipping my head around to see that tooth gap grin.
"Hey, Screw." I respond.
"Nice bike." He comments.
I see him balancing on a skateboard.
I nod. "Thanks."
He does something weird on the skateboard and it ends up in his hand and tucked underneath his arm.
He walks past me and begins down a small trail. I watch him for ten seconds before he stops and turns to me. We stare at each other for a few uncomfortable seconds.
"Uh, hello?" He asks.
"What?"
"You're supposed to follow me."
My senses snap back to reality.
"Oh." Is all I say before I grab my bike and quickly wheel it over to him.
He continues walking and I follow him, still no idea what's in store.

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