my name is aaron (ftm)

19

I graduate middle school five days later.

"Aaron Bidden!"
I walk onto the stage in my blue graduation gown.
They hand me a certificate and Mr. G shakes my hand.
I still hate him, but I'm all smiles as I receive my certificate with my name (Aaron Bidden) on it and my family cheers loudly from the crowd.
I wave at them and dad snaps pictures as Sheryl screams excitedly and mom just looks so proud.

I reunite with them after the ceremony and mom hugs me tightly.
"We're so proud of you, Aaron."
I smile, close to tears.
"Thanks, mom."
Dad takes pictures of us and Sheryl makes weird faces which crack me up.

I honestly can't believe this is happening.
I didn't even think I would survive to the end of middle school.
And here I am, holding a certificate that says Aaron on it and full of real genuine happiness that I thought I would never feel again.
I still miss Screw, and occasionally the thought of John will enter my mind again, but it rarely stays for long.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see the girls that had made me faint in class a few months ago. Their mouths are literally hanging open as they stare at me. I walk over to them.
"Hey." I say, full of confidence.
"He really is a guy..." I hear one of them whisper.
"And he's kind of hot..." Another one says.
I can't help but laugh. I guess it's true. I had ditched the baggy sweater and jeans and mom helped me pick out a whole new wardrobe of really cool guy clothes. Plus, I got a way cooler hair cut done professionally.
"I'm flattered," I tell them, grinning, "But you're still all assholes."
I walk away, smiling and laughing to myself.

Summer vacation goes by like a cool breeze.
We spend the first half of it preparing for me to start getting testosterone, changing my name to Aaron in the system for school (not legally just yet), arranging for me to use the boys bathroom and locker room once school starts, and a ton of other things to help my transition to Aaron. I'm eternally grateful every step of the way. 
The last half of summer is spent going on a trip to Disneyland. Which is pretty cheesy, I guess, but it's fun. Sheryl and I get those custom Mickey Mouse ears hats that have your name embroidered on them. I get one that says Aaron, of course, and it just fills me with happiness once again. It is the happiest place on Earth, isn't it?
At one point, I steal Sheryl's hat and I tease her as I refuse to give it back. She huffs and complains.
"You're the worst brother ever."
It makes me smile and I give her the hat and shove her playfully. She pretends to be angry at me but I see her smiling back.

All too soon, it's the day before the first day of high school.
I sit in my room, preparing my backpack with brand new notebooks and pens that mom dragged me to Office Depot to buy yesterday. I write "Aaron" on the cover of all of them.
I sigh and glance at the clock. It's ten pm.
I run a hand through my hair and stand up. I make my way downstairs.
"Mom, I'm going out for a little bit." I tell her as I walk by her to get to the front door.
She looks up at me from a book she's reading.
"Where are you going, Aaron?"
I rest my hand on the doorknob, about to turn it open.
"A special place."

I sit on the edge of the platform.
There are some stars sprinkled across the dark sky and I look up at them.
"I miss you..." I whisper, hoping he can hear me.
My fingers absentmindedly run along my left forearm and I can feel a faint trace of scars that I finally left alone to heal.
"I wouldn't be here without you." I admit. "I'd give everything to see you one more time."
I leave before sunrise and bike home.

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