my name is aaron (ftm)

14

Some stupid store.
Some stupid store that sells clothes that mom dragged us all to.
Sheryl tries on some furry boots with a unicorn printed on it.
Yuck.
I sit on a chair next to dad as mom helps Sheryl try on an assortment of disgustingly girly shoes. I boredly roll up my right sweater sleeve and then pull it back down before pushing it back and and pulling it back down again. I unconsciously do this, watching some two kids in a different aisle sword-fighting with two clothes hangers.
I think, something I do way too much.
Thinking and thinking until I hear dad yelling at me.
I don't hear what he says so I just look at him, waiting for him to repeat himself.
He grabs my wrist and holds it up. It's my left wrist.
"What the hell is this?" He shouts, despite being in the middle of a store.
I guess I'd rolled up my other sleeve without noticing.
Shit.
I stay silent and avoid eye contact.
He throws my arm down.
"Do you need to go to a mental hospital, or something?" He scolds me.
Mom and Sheryl walk over to us.
"Hon, what's happening?" Mom asks, completely unaware of the entire situation and oblivious to dad's anger.
I don't look at him but I can feel his scowl burn holes through my skin before he gets up and storms out of the store.
Mom desperately asks Sheryl and I what happened as I stare at the dirty floor.
Maybe that's where I really belong. A mental hospital. So where where everyone is just as messed up in the brain as I am.
I must be messed up in the brain.
Words echo in my mind.
"You think this makes you a guy?"
"So funny to think that you could ever be a boy."
"Get out of my face."
"Do you need to go to a mental hospital?"

I make the decision right there and then.
No more waiting.
No more wishing.
No more suffering.
It's time for Arona, and Aaron, to finally disappear forever.

I'm going to kill myself.

~

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