Someone Better

Chapter 11

Author Note
I was planning to update on Sunday but I got the chapter finished before then. I hope you enjoy!

Also updates will be on Sunday or on Monday.

John's pov

I'm curious as to why Alex is tried. I know she needs her rest but I feel like she doesn't want to see me. Mark told me that she's sorry  and she wants to see me but she is too tired. She can talk to three people but four is too much. I don't know why I care so much normally I wouldn't really care but something feels wrong. I'm hurt she doesn't want to see me but then again she might actually be tried. My curiosity has gotten the best of me. I now find myself in front of Alex's room. I don't even bother to knock I just walk in to find Alex is awake.

"Do you not want to see me?" I questioned. Alex looks really shocked but I kind of don't care.

"I never said I didn't want to see you. I'm just tired right now." She looks like she is about to cry.

"Then why is it so hard to talk to four people. Is three too much for you?" I could feel my anger taking over and at this point I was basically yelling at her.

"Are you being serious right now? I'm sorry I was having some problems when my mother came in. I'm sorry I needed some time alone to regulate my breathing. I'm sorry I needed some time alone. I'm sorry I got hit by that car. I'm sorry you are here instead of with your friends. I'm sorry my mm called you because she thought you would like to be here. I'm sorry I didn't die!" Tears were falling down her face. The last this she said hit me hard. I never wanted her to die.

"Alex don't say that." I started walking toward the bed and sat down near her feet.

"Why? I feel like all we do now is fight. I do love you. I love you so much but sometimes holding on does more damage than letting go." She said through the tears.

"Alex don't say things like that. I know we have been having a hard time right now but I don't want to leave you. I'm sorry I came in here yelling at you. I should have trusted you. I'm so sorry Alex. You never deserved this. I'm happy you are going to be alright. I'm sorry." I wanted to hug her but I knew I would probably accidentally hurt her.

"I'm sorry. I should have let you come in when everyone else was but I just needed some time alone. It wasn't an attack on you and I didn't mean to hurt your feelings." The tears stopped falling but I can still see the hurt in her eyes.

"Maybe I should go." I said while getting off the bed.

"No. No I want you to stay."

"Ok. Are you sure?"

"Yes I'm sure." She moved on the bed as to say come here and hold me.

"Do you want me to lay next to you?" I know it is a stupid question but I want to make sure in case she doesn't want me too.

"Yes."

"I don't want to hurt you."

"I'm fine I just can't lay on my side and my tube is on my other side. Come here. I miss you." I have only seen Alex like this once. Super loving. Normally she likes her space which I'm fine with because I don't want her to feel like I'm smothering her.

"Ok." Which that said I carefully laid myself next to her so I pointed toward her.

She looks really tired. I know it is hard for her breath and I feel bad for making her upset.

I feel like she deserves someone better than me. After Lisa told me about how much Alex really cared I have felt like she doesn't deserve someone like me. I'm not good enough for her. She deserves someone that will love her so much and give her all of their love. I'm not the person she is meant to be with. This past year I've seen her cry so much and all of the crying was because of me. I make everything about myself.