Someone Better

Chapter 34

Warning: this chapter contains depression and suicidal thoughts. The part is marked by -------------------- at the beginning and end.

Alex's pov

I haven't thought a lot about Ross adopting me but I do like him. I wonder why my mother decided to randomly bring this up. I wonder if it has something to do with my birth father. I don't remember much about him, I don't even know his name. I have always wondered why we never had any family pictures on the walls or why I don't see any of my relatives not even my grandparents.

I faintly remember my father throwing beer bottles at the wall after I'm guessing one of my relatives dropped my off. I ran to my room and locked the door. I could hear him screaming and beer bottles hitting the wall and crashing on the floor. I wanted to escape from this. I remember my mother with a bloody arm coming to my room telling me to get some of my clothes and instructing me to run to the car.

I cried a lot. I was only seven years old. I don't really remember much because after that my mother and I moved to New York and I never saw my father again. I just started to block out that part of my life and all the unanswered questions I had I just blocked those out too. I didn't want to remember that day I didn't want to remember the day my family fell apart. My parents seemed happy from what I remember. Some parts of what happened I really remember like my mom crying and my father throwing bottles at the wall and crying.

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When I was younger I always thought it was my fault. So I just naturally assumed that is why my mom worked all the time so she could get away from me because I'm the reason why. That is probably why I am how I am. I don't like to get close to people because I feel I'm annoying. That is why I distance myself because it will be easier when they tell me to go away. I always put up my walls to everyone because I feel like I don't deserve anyone. I am never surprised when things like that happen because I'm expecting it and I'm used to it.

Mark and Lisa used to be my best friends and I used to know everything about them now I don't even know what is going on in their lives. At least I have Layla Dean but I have been distancing myself because I feel like I annoy her. I have been doing that so it will be a little bit easier when she tells me to go away. I feel like I don't matter to people . I feel like if I just stopped talking to them or just stopped breathing no one would care. I don't have a bad life or anything I just have thoughts like that sometimes which is why I don't like just sitting in silence because my thoughts wonder to dark places.

I never tell anyone this just because I know people will say I have nothing to be sad over or that I'm just trying to feel sorry for myself. I'm not. I just feel alone most of the time. After we all graduated I was alone for a week with no one then I went to see Ross' family and it drained me of all my energy just being there for two hours.

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Layla Dean and I haven't talked for a few days but she has sent me pictures from South Korea. I have decided to just things go a little bit because we just graduated from high school but I didn't go just because I didn't want to and the whole thing made me anxious being in a room full of people I don't really like and not being able to leave made me anxious. I told my mom and she said it was fine and honestly even if I did go to graduation she probably wouldn't have showed up anyways. It is sad but it is true.

Nothing has happened with John and I just because I honestly didn't know what I was doing and I also am not ready to be with anyone for a long time. I still John and I will probably love him until I marry someone.

My mom informed me yesterday that we will be moving because apparently Ross and her want to buy a house together. The only catch it that the new house is in Maryland. I don't want to move. I like where I am. I like having my best friend close even if she is half way across the world from me. I don't want to leave her.

Lisa's pov

Yesterday was the day I've been looking forward to since I was in fifth grade. We finally graduated. I noticed Alex wasn't there. When we were friends she always talked about us waking together and what we were going to wear. I miss those days. Those days were truly the good days not that these days aren't good but we all grew up and have responsibilities now. I always knew this day would come but I didn't know it was going to be this hard.

I remember out first day of our freshman year of high school Alex was shaking and holding my hand. I was scared out of my mind we went to different middle schools because our elementary school was over crowed with fifth graders so Alex and I went to the same one and Mark had to go to a different middle school but we would all hang out on the weekends.

I knew Mark had a crush on Alex on our first day of high school when him and Alex held hands because at the time Alex knowing we were right beside her and not going anywhere made her feel okay. I remember that day she met John. I could tell he thought Alex was really pretty and I don't blame him, she is really pretty. At the time she had really long dark brown hair that almost touched her butt that with her bright green eyes would catch anyone's attention, but she never considered herself pretty. 

Back then I had short blond hair I haven't cut it since that day, my hair is about as long as Alex's hair was back then we made a deal not to cut our hair only get trims on our hair. I noticed a few weeks ago Alex cut her hair, her once long dark drown hair is now a little below her shoulders. I am guessing she did it because she wanted to change something but she didn't know what but I must admit she looks good with short hair.

Author Note

I have no idea where I was going with this. I had an idea and wrote it down and didn't like it so this was the result. Also a little note to everyone no matter how bad things get it will be okay. In case no one told you today you are worth it and you are important.

I hope you all enjoyed. Thank you all so much for reading.❤️❤️

If you celebrate Thanksgiving I hope you have a wonderful day.

Next update: December 2