Her Reality

What Hurts The Most?

I can't decide,

What hurts the most?

Saying something and wishing I hadn't?

Or not saying anything at all and wishing I had?

To me?

Honestly.....they both do.

You can wish upon so many times to say things,

What to say,

How to say,

When to say,

Just a lot of options,

It's just hurts of the many outcomes.

Many of the ones we create even if it doesn't happen.

It's hard,

Wishing and not doing.

It hurts because not all wishes come.

It's just a wish,

It's just a dream,

But,

It's all within your choice,

To say,

Or to not say.

It hurts.

She lies there not knowing how to say what she feels,

Cause it's all starting to feel too real,

She knows shes running out of time,

Cause she doesn't know who could be up in line next.

She hopes that she's the only one.

She's drowning in her own creation of her pain,

Cause she hasn't said anything,

With the opportunity to say,

She doesn't.

She waits on time,

Not knowing that time is forever,

It never stops,

It continues,

Like a strong heart beat.

She has little knowledge on what waiting can do,

It can damage a situation,

Or it can improve a situation.

Saying is such a risky thing,

What such small words can do can make or break.

So she ask herself,

"What pain would I rather live with?

Wishing on what could of happen?

Or regretting what I wish I hadn't done?"

To regret has its pros and cons,

You can regret but still gain on what to do to improve next time,

Or you can regret and grieve to never try again,

Doesn't that make life pointless?

Not risking?

You live a life to take the things you haven't tried to know what you do and don't like.

You can't just imagine a perfect picture,

You have to create it after.

This is what it's like,

Picture the paint,

Or create a complaint.

Keeping her mouth shut creates a storm,

Making her feel trapped,

Yet she's the one to feel this way.

Her mind drifts off on if she should just say,

Rather than to just think of what she should of said,

She doesn't just want to think,

She wants to do.

She's scared,

But she's fed up.

These feelings are overflowing,

Now she's tired,

Because these feelings have controlled her mind,

That she got lost within time.

Now that she has been enlighten,

She doesn't ask herself,

"What hurts the most?"

She now ask herself,

"What will hurt me the most?"

A close mouth doesn't fulfill anything.

And this is the first time,

That she's ever felt her say is way more important.

She doesn't care what will be affected when she say,

Because with these bottled feelings,

She's a lost girl.

So she's gonna say,

Not think.

She's gonna do,

And not care.

She's gonna let it go,

And let it be.

She now says,

"Risking is scary,

But wishing and not doing is too.

Waiting....

Is scary.

I can't wait for time,

Because time isn't waiting for me.

I should be more like time,

Pass up and never stop.

The way I feel is just a shot,

It will either be what I want,

Or just be just a be.

I don't care if it doesn't go as plan,

That's not what this is about.

My feelings are about letting go,

So it's not even a question,

"What hurts the most?"

Nor is it the question,

"What will hurt me the most?"

It's officially,

"I'm going to do and move on"

July 6th, 2017 @naeereckless