Her Reality

Tired of Being Hurt

It's a damn shame,

The shit I'm constantly being put through,

I'm surprised my body ain't shut down due to the damages I've came across.

From 9 to 18 and maybe plus more I experience a different type of pain,

I'm just tired of feeling it.

I guess I wouldn't be human if I didn't go through this shit.

To cry I'm human,

To break down I'm human,

To scream I'm human,

To run away I'm human,

To feel broken....I'm human.

God puts people in your lives for either a seasonal purpose or for eternity,

It's just fucked up you have to invest time to know which is which.

I'm tired of investing,

But I won't give up because I know my one is out there.

The phases I see myself go through makes my body slowly crave to shut down completely.

As soon as it's something that could be something it be your allusion that it turns out to be exactly nothing.

That's what I'm tired of,

Investing something that won't be nothing,

I just won't know until I risk it.

Every time my heart is put out on the line,

I'm always failing it,

That now I'm tired of being hurt.

I hate that I feel this for you and you don't understand,

I hate that I think about you so much and you don't even know,

I hate that I crave to kiss you,

I hate that I want to feel your warmth against mine,

I hate that I want my smiles to be because of you,

I hate that I know I'm the only one.....

And you don't feel not a damn thing.

I fight it to not say what I feel,

It doesn't work.

Keeping in what I personally feel that needs to be said is what I can't bare,

It's why I like to let things flow and not be first in line,

Because there's advantages and disadvantages.

You get a 50/50 shot,

Things go right or things go left.

Every risk I made has went left,

And I'm tired.

I lay in my bed a thousand times and hold myself cause I don't have them to hold me,

I barry my head in my knees cause I don't have their shoulder to bare my head onto,

I break down as silently as I can,

Cause who I want there to listen isn't,

Who I want to rescue me is the one that caused this pain.

I'm tired.

Many times I see myself on a beach,

Alone,

Listening to the waves motion back and fourth,

While walking in the sand bare footed,

Just letting go.

It's my escape,

It's what makes me human,

And it's fucked up.

How dare I can't even have a say on who I want and don't want to get hurt by?

It'll be too easy,

And love?

It ain't easy.

It's why my heart breaks every time,

Cause I haven't received it yet,

The force of it makes my heart weaken,

Cause my heart knows what real love is.

I'm tired because when I want,

I can't get.

He stares me in my eyes and tell me what sounds good,

Even tells me he won't lie,

He tells me to be real with him,

He tells me I'm peerless,

He says it feels right,

Than....he says he's not on games.

I feel him grab my face to kiss me,

My small hairs stand tall,

Because it's not how good it feels,

But his words are being all over me with the same mouth he said all his lies with.

I text him thinking of why it went left,

That night went good and now I'm confused.

I don't hear from him,

And when I do it's never about what he said to my face.

I ask myself how does one night confirm my feelings,

It's because I believe too easily,

Even when I know I'm being lied to,

I tend to find the truth in them,

That's an easy way to break my own heart.

Cause what it looks like,

Isn't what it seems.

That's what he showed me,

I'm tired of being hurt.

I think of him non stop,

And I fantasize of him non stop,

Now I regret that night non stop.

I'm so damn tired of being hurt.

August 1st, 2017 @naeereckless