Polarized | Finn Hudson

Too Quickly

College

Everytime I heard that word this week I wanted to throw myself into the mouth of a hammerhead shark. Since it's January, everyone and their mother is applying for college, rushing to make up missed grades and trying to look their best. As for almost everyone in Glee club, NYADA doesn't take applications until next month, so we were off the hook for now. My voice was starting to come back, but not one hundred percent. Throughout the day I just did little runs of harmonies with Finn, but sometimes forgetting the appropriate times because either Finn or I would burst out in a huge riff in the middle of a test or lecture somehow.

I sat at lunch and picked at the dried up salad and was startled when a guy zoomed past our table, dropping papers and screaming, "I'M LATE FUCK FUCK FUCK." "What was all that about." Mercedes questioned with everyone else in the cafeteria. "From what I know he had a interview with a college professor today and I'm guessing he's late to it." Blaine chuckled before eating more. "Glad I know I at least have My life together. I bet he's just as confused as the next person." Santana chuckled. My brain began to swarm with emotions and I continued to sit silently. "He probably just booked the interview to make himself seem smart." Kurt giggled. "See people this is why you be smart and think ahead and not be an idiot like him and wait until last min-"

I slammed my fork on the table, hitting the salad bowl on the way down and toppling it over onto the table. Everyone at the table got quiet and looked at me before I just ended up shoving my plate off the table at the end and sending in cascading to the floor, making a huge dud. I got out from my seat and left the cafeteria, feeling my heels meeting the ground heavily in a stomp. "Camila." Finn trailed behind me. I didn't stop until he grabbed my arm and turned me around. "What the hell happened back there?" He asked. "Do you think I feel great hearing that people think of others who have no idea what they're doing with their life as dumbasses?" I pondered to him. "Camil-" "Finn. Here is a crystal ball look into my future. I see nothing for myself. No steady career, no steady college life, no steady life in general. Everyone has themselves figured out while I'm sitting here still wondering what I'm going to wear tomorrow and the next day."

"I'm sorry. I'll tell them to stop." He sighed. "No, let them keep going. I honestly don't give a fuck." I flicked my hand. "Camila...." He frowned. The sorrow in his eyes struck me pretty bad like it always did and I felt my heart rate slow down. I walked up to him and gave him a knowing look at signaled him to bend down to my height. I leaned up a bit to kiss his forehead and then hug him tightly. "I'm sorry. It's just a lot at this point." I sighed into the crook of his neck. "You know I'm trying Camileon. Me and mom are doing everything we can." He rubbed my back. "I know, and I'm sorry if I seem ungrateful," I frowned letting go, "I'm just trying to figure out what's happening with me."

"You're doing it too quickly. That's what's happening."

********

Artie: Bultaoreune

All: Fire Fire Fire Fire

The boys seemed pretty energetic dancing and singing, though walking into rehearsals yesterday, the seemed scared shitless.

Mike: When I wake up in my room, an mwotdo eoptji haega jigo nan hu, biteuldaemyeo geotji

Artie: da mansinchangiro chwihaesseo, chwihaesseo. Mak yokhae gireseo, gireseo. Na masi gatji michinnom, gatji da eongmangjinchang, livin' like ppi-i-

Sam: ni meotdaero sareo eochapi, ni kkeoya. Aesseuji jom mareo, jyeodo gwaenchanha.

All the girls were melting, including me watching Finn do some grinding movements. I knew they had it in the bag this week, damn them.

Blaine: Errbody say La la la la la

All: La la la la la

Blaine: Say La la la la la

All: La la la la la

Blaine: Soneul deureo sorijilleo Burn it up

Artie: Bultaoreune

Sam: Eh eh oh eh oh

Matthew: Ssak da bultaewora bow wow wow

Sam: Eh eh oh eh oh

Matthew: Ssak da bultaewora bow wow wow

I watched Finn who nervously looked at me, before then stepping up to do his solo with Mike.

Finn: Hey, burn it up, jeonbu da taeul geot gachi. Hey, turn it up saebyeogi da gal ttaekkaji. Geunyang sarado dwae

Mike: urin jeomgie

Finn: geu malhaneun neon

Mike: mwon sujeogillae

Finn: sujeosujeo georyeo

Mike: nan saraminde So what-

Puck: ni meotdaero sareo, eochapi ni kkeoya. Aesseuji jom mareo jyeodo gwaenchanha.

When Puck sang my jaw basically was scooping dirt up from the ground. Nobody had thought he would actually rehearse it perfectly. I looked at Mr. Schuester who was trying to find his jaw on the floor too.

Blaine: Errbody say La la la la la

All: La la la la la

Blaine: Say La la la la la

All: La la la la la

Blaine: Soneul deureo sorijilleo Burn it up

Artie: Bultaoreune

Sam: Eh eh oh eh oh

Matthew: Ssak da bultaewora bow wow wow

Sam: Eh eh oh eh oh

Matthew: Ssak da bultaewora bow wow wow

Artie: Yongseohaejulge

Though I seemed happy and content at this moment, what Finn said earlier really struck me. He was right. I was trying to plan myself farther ahead than what I'm ready for. It scares me not knowing what the future holds, especially finding out my identity was false. Finn has everything perfected. Finn cares so much about me and is putting me in front of himself. I love him so much for that and the feeling of it is amazimg, but I can't let him fall behind on his dreams because I'm not sure what I'm doing with mine....