Polarized | Finn Hudson

Angie Huggins

(TRIGGER WARNING: Suicide Attempt, PTSD, Disorders)

When you define an "American Dreamt Family", her family was it.  Four brothers, a sister, and a beautiful set of parents. She grew up with a normal childhood, playing outside with her siblings and doing a trade off of sports until she settled on Softball in the fifth grade.

But, dipping into high school wasn't the best experience for her. After ninth grade started, her father began to fall into a cycle of emotions, dragging her and her family down with him. Days she could walk to the kitchen and dive into a fun session of making weird food combinations and cracking up with him, others he would be slamming things around in anger over something that affected him deeply, but was not a big deal to others. Nobody knew why his life slowly slipped into this, an on and off switch and a back and forth tug of war with how he felt. Her mom would explain to her since she was the oldest that he was just going through some things, but in reality, she didn't know herself why he was acting like this.

The days and nights went on for about a year, going from spending quality time with her family to huddling her siblings into their room and he exploded in anger at anyone, to hearing him cry at night from her parent's room. She stopped bringing friends over and begged for them just to let her over instead in fears some sort of meltdown would happen. Her father started to take notice of this, how she was barely home anymore, the younger kids would be crowded in someone else's room playing instead of near him, and how his wife would have late shifts at work, when really she was with her friends trying to delay the time she's come home.

Enough was enough for him. Angie was in Geometry class when her phone went off. She muted it until it wouldn't stop vibrating. She excused herself to the hallway as embarrassed as she would ever be and demanded to know what was so important that she needed to answer the phone at school.

Her father tried to commit suicide.

Angie shrieked and ran into the classroom, it falling silent to her grabbing her backpack and not bothering to zip it up as all of her papers and books flew behind her in a messy trail. The signs were there, and she knew it subconsciously, but it was a scary time. No one knew what to do but hide from his anger.

The event was traumatic for her and her family, herself two of her brothers, and her mother developing  PTSD at such a young age. He spent about a month in a rehabilitation center, which gave the family time to at least try to calm from the storm, but one could. That event lingered in their head day and night. Her mother had to send the younger ones who didn't understand what happened into the closet if she needed stuff because she couldn't bare it. Angie was the most affected behind her mother. Balancing school, the bowling team, taking care of her siblings, and trying to stay strong for them wasn't going to be easy or even achievable. Tears seemed to stream from her eyes every single day, no smile appeared, because there was nothing to smile for.

That is until she fell for one of her friends, Kalissa Alan.

Kalissa had been one of her closest friends since around the beginning of the seventh grade. Kalissa helped Angie through the traumatizing events and horrid days by letting her come over to her house and taking her mind off as possible. She'd let Angie vent her heart out until there were no more tears in her body. Kalissa was the best thing Angie could ask for now, and in that time of her life. Angie was scared of the thought of being bisexual, how people and her family would handle it, but all welcomed her with open arms, both her and Kalissa. Angie was so proud of her relationship, feeling proud of her sexuality and of her supportive girlfriend. She began to fall for it as an emotional support guild. Day in and out, Angie could feel herself starting the process of healing. Of course, it was going to happen over night, but for now, it was a wonderful way to cope with hurting with healing and loving.

Angie: Set the scene I woke up from a bad dream, something's chasing me. Is this home or am I in a movie with an unhappy ending? Wait around for a sign or a new sound so I can hit the ground running, oh honey, would you like to come with me?

No one had excepted this from Angie, a bubbly funny girl who could make anyone last to the point their lungs basically collapsed. You would think everyone would feel guilty or horrible for her, and they did, but they were more happy for her. She was so brave to grow up on her own throughout that process and find someone in the end to lean on

Angie: I've given my everything, everything, I'd give it with feeling, a sentimental girl. I've given my everything, everything we'll dance on the ceiling with everything, everything, everything we can. Shake it off, no it's not always easy, I just need some time. Kill me now, with all of your kindness, help me change my mind. Take me there, to a sign or a new sound, look at us, we're off and running, oh honey, to a place I'd rather be.

Best friends, and in this case, a loving companions, can sometimes be the best thing for you. Don't let yourself feel lonely, reach out. They'll be there for you and help you through thick in thin. And if you feel like you have none, that's okay. Find someone, whether in real life or on the internet, because someone in this world will love you.

Angie: I've given my everything, everything, I'd give it with feeling, a sentimental girl. I've given my everything, everything we'll dance on the ceiling with everything, everything, everything we can.