Jimin never expressed how he felt in any moment. He would simply stay in the shadows and watch from afar as things began to unfold before him, not uttering a single word. He held his tongue between his teeth as he watched his boyfriend, Taehyung, mindlessly colour his nail with a pencil Jimin left lying around. The book clasped in his hands grew heavy in his hold as his throat began to close and eyes begin to water. His chest heaved in pure pain and nerves as he tried to muster up enough confidence to snap Taehyung out of his trance to ask a simple question.
As soon as his mind cleared up and the pounding of his heart had slightly slowed down, the ring of Taehyung's phone shook him to his core. Watching Taehyung instantly drop the blue pencil and clasp his fingers around his phone, Jimin held his breath. He watched a smile form on his lips, screen glowing in his eyes as his fingers began to move, typing a response.
Weeks, it's been weeks since Jimin had taken Taehyung out somewhere, just the both of them. He's tried multiple times since to take Taehyung out, to enjoy the soft air that lingered as they sat alone together, absorbing the presence of one another. However, with every attempt comes an excuse between the lines of being much too tired or he had somewhere else to go. And with every denial the more cracks begin to surface along Jimin's frail heart. Every night he would lay awake, wondering where Taehyung was at such a time, hearing the second hand of the clock tick in time with his dull nails running across his skin.
Sometimes hope would run through his veins when Taehyung would out of the blue hold Jimin close to him, whispering how much he meant to him as they watched a movie or show. It was those moments Jimin would cherish, would clasp his fingers in clumps of Taehyung's oversized shirts, inhaling his scent, savouring it for the moments where this wasn't easy to receive.
It was another late night and Jimin found himself trying to hold back painful sobs from sounding the air as he stood statue in the street. Prior to this, he was wondering the streets worried shamelessly about Taehyung, springing to life when the time had his 3am and still no sign of the younger boy. A simply thin jumper in which sleeves ran past Jimin's hands hugged his body along with tight fitting black shorts. He had stumbled at the door, slipping his feet in shoes belonging to Taehyung.
Half an hour into the lonely search, Jimin's thoughts that weighed him down began to surface. He froze in his place letting them eat at him, letting those conclusions he pushed to the back of his mind become ones he believed. That Taehyung was bored of him, that he was no longer good enough, that Taehyung had found someone much better. Of course, it was the dead of winter, the skies were dark, no aspect of warmth filling the air, just cold icy air blowing.
When the first drop of rain came in contact with Jimin's cheek it had him shocked to life, bringing him back to his senses. He automatically wrapped his arms around himself, teeth chattering as he began his journey back to the dark lonely apartment. With ever step, Jimin convinced himself not to shed a tear, not to cry if Taehyung wants to leave, not to hold him back and just let him do what makes him happy.
Reaching the apartment was much too quick, Jimin didn't want to open those doors to meet the cold lonely air, to walk into a void his mind created to be 'hell.' But he didn't need to, the doors swung open presenting a very worried pale skin Taehyung. His worried gaze met Jimin's confused ones before signing a sigh of relief. He instantly placed both arms behind the shorter boy pulling him against his chest. Taehyung nuzzled his nose into Jimin's damp hair taking in his presence, telling himself that Jimin was okay and nothing terrible had happened to the person he loves.
"Holy shit Jimin, where were you?" Taehyung breathed finally pulling their bodies apart but not removing any contact from the boy.
"I went- um- out to look for you." Jimin whimpers afraid to strain his voice enough for it to give out on him.
"Oh baby, I am so sorry I was out later than usual. I was just held up." Taehyung's much warmer hands moving up to come in contact with Jimin's blood coloured cheeks.
Hissing at the feeling of lack of warmth Jimin's body radiated had Taehyung tugging Jimin inside the surprisingly warm apartment. However, the hold on Jimin's hand shook loose when Jimin abruptly stopped, easily slipping his shivering hand from Taehyung. Taehyung instantly perked up, pivoting his body to face Jimin. Jimin had his eyes on his hands as he watched his dull nails scrape against the exact same spot he would usually peel the skin away. That area of the skin was red, pulsing in pain, begging to be relived from his nerves, to heal. Before Taehyung could launch himself forward to stop the painful sight, Jimin spoke, voice shaking.
"If you want to leave me,- I mean if you're bored of me, or if you found someone much better- you can."
Though once those words processed in both the males minds, Jimin shook his head realising what he had juts blurted out did not make sense.
"No, wait I mean. What I mean is. If-"
A harsh hold on his painful wrist had Jimin gasping out in pain, looking up at Taehyung in fear and utter confusion.
"You? I would never in a million years leave you Jimin. Never get bored or find someone better than you. That's impossible to find someone better than you. You're everything I've ever dreamed of and wanted. There is no way in hell I am going to lose you." Taehyung snapped, kind words leaked out but voice was booming in some aspect of anger.
It had Jimin flinching at the tone and Taehyung caught on in Jimin's fear, softening his gaze and replacing his hold from his wrist to his cheek.
"I love you so much Jimin. If you think me staying out late is me cheating I'm sorry. Or the fact my phone blows up and some days where I completely ignore you, I am so sorry it caused you pain. It's just, your birthday isn't a long time away and I've been so focused on it. Funny, right? I ignored the person I wanted a perfect birthday for."
The bottom of Jimin's lip began to quiver as all those emotions bottled up surfaced, tears surfaced on his pure eyes, running down his cheeks, onto Taehyung's slender fingers. He couldn't help but smile though, a mix of emotions ran through his veins. He stepped forward, pressing his body impossibly close to Taehyung's, grabbing fist falls of his shirt finally allowing himself to breathe, to cry, to laugh, to feel again.
Jimin jumped to conclusions a lot, allowed thoughts to eat at him. He bottled up so many emotions it became painful but with Taehyung not far, a simply arms reach. Jimin can finally breathe and finally- be so happy.
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A ?\/ N'
It's been 7 months since I updated this. I rushed this, had to get my writing back on track. Just been so focused on arting and university, I pushed wattpad aside for a while. i hope to keep a momentum going, fingers crossed.
BTW, I am attending a writing course. So lets hope my writing only improves.
Until next update.
L.T
