Through the Lens

Line In The Sand

Harry's POV

I took a deep breath as I made my way across the yard, hoping Hailey was awake. I had no idea what I planned to say to her, but I hated that things were weird between us. I knew it was my fault, I knew I was the one who'd fucked everything up, but I hated it just the same. I'd been up all night trying to think of anything I could say to make it better, to tell her I didn't regret kissing her and that it was one of the best moments of my life, but the closer I got to seeing her the less and less I remembered what I was supposed to say.

I'd reached the conclusion that all of the stupid reasons why I shouldn't let myself be with her didn't matter, because no matter what I tried to tell myself it didn't change the fact that I was crazy about her. No matter how much I told myself we were just friends, that I could maintain that, I knew it was just a lie I told myself because I was scared to let myself fall for her. It didn't matter how much I fought it, because I knew it the end it was a battle I would lose. I already had.

I knew my attraction to her couldn't be ignored. She was beautiful, there was no denying that, but it was as if it was more than attraction, it was like she was a part of me that I constantly craved to have back. It was like she'd been missing from me my entire life and now that I knew she was there I wasn't whole unless I was around her. I knew that meant something on a deeper level, that we were connected in a way I couldn't begin to understand. I'd decided I didn't need to understand it, it was what it was, and I was tired of trying to figure it out. Hailey and I were two parts of the same soul, and it was about time I stopped trying to convince myself we were anything else.

I could hear her in the kitchen, moving things around, as I approached the back door. My heart was racing at the thought of seeing her, of seeing the look of hurt on her face and knowing I'd caused it. I took a deep breath and knocked lightly, almost hoping she wouldn't hear it so I could pretend she wasn't home and come back when I knew what the fuck I was supposed to say.

I knocked again and slowly opened up the door, carefully stepping into her kitchen to find her chopping up strawberries with her back facing me. She didn't turn around, though I was sure she heard the door open and knew it was me. I wasn't sure if that was a good sign, which just made me more nervous, so I took yet another deep breath and tried to speak.

"Hi..." I managed to choke out, watching her shoulders tense as she stopped moving.

She stood still for a second, the knife in one hand and the strawberry she was cutting in the other, before I saw her inhale deeply as if to prepare herself. She dropped the knife and placed her palms down on the counter, leaning against it like she needed a minute to steady herself.

"I, uh...I'm sorry, if you don't wanna talk to me...I can go." I said nervously. "I just...wanted...I guess I wanted to see you, and apologize obviously."

I watched her carefully as she slowly turned around to look at me, her blue eyes meeting mine for the first time in what felt like years. They sent that same warm feeling rushing through me that they always did, making me feel comforted even though they held a sadness that I knew I'd put there. They were still a bit puffy from crying the night before, and she looked like she hadn't had much sleep. I immediately hated myself for being the reason why, but somehow she was still the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen.

She just stood there, staring at me, both of us unsure of what to say. She hadn't told me to leave, so I took that as a somewhat good sign, but I could see that she was tense and uncomfortable and I hated that my presence was making her feel that way. I nervously rubbed the back of my neck as I tried to come up with what I could say to her, my mind racing with all of the things I wanted to say but didn't seem to have the balls to. I was only standing about ten feet away from her but it felt like there was an ocean between us, and I despised every inch of it. I wanted to hug her, to pull her into me and tell her how sorry I was, but I knew I had to tread lightly. I couldn't read her face, and it was driving me insane.