Through the Lens

Nosy

Harry's POV

"Nine more days, eh? Crazy." Finn smiled as he took a sip of his beer while the two of us stared out over the golf course. "It's gonna be weird around here without you."

"Tell me about it." I sighed, the knot that had taken up residence in my stomach ever since we got back from Hawaii tightening and making me feel sick.

It had been five days since we'd returned, and Hails and I had spent it trying to squeeze in as much adventure as possible. We'd been to the woods almost every day, finding new swimming holes or lookouts to hang out in. I'd made sure to schedule time to hang out with the friends I'd made before I left, made my visits with Gram a little longer, and tried to make sure I saw Cash and Soph every day for a while. I found myself suddenly desperate to soak in every moment I had left with the people who had become like family to me, hating the idea that I'd be living such a different life in a few extremely short days. It was different than it had been before, now knowing I had such limited time and feeling like everything was just a long drawn out goodbye.

"You don't sound too happy to be getting back home to your life." He chuckled as he nudged me with his elbow. "Let me guess why that could be."

I didn't say anything as I stared down at the bottle in my hand, playing with the label as I exhaled deeply. Finn watched me carefully, sensing I just needed to gather my thoughts, before the words just started to flow out of me.

"I kinda freaked out the other night. When we got back, we were just sitting there on the couch and I felt like we were home, doing what we do. Then Niall called and asked her to do some photography for him and somehow we started talking about my album. It was like all of a sudden it hit me that I would be doing it without her, that I'd be going back to LA and recording and she wouldn't be there. I just panicked, the idea of not seeing her every day just made me feel so anxious and I started to freak out."

"So what happened?" He asked curiously.

"Nothing, really. I told her I didn't wanna leave, she said we both know I have to. Then it kinda shifted to how scared I am to make this album, to do it on my own. We didn't really talk about what's gonna happen with us, we never do." I sighed.

"Well what do you want to happen?"

"I feel like what I want isn't an option." I said as I ran my fingers through my hair. "It's scary, Finn. It terrifies me how much I would give up to stay here."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I honestly feel like I could just stay. I could just not go back, I could live here with Hails and be perfectly happy. I know I'm under contracts and I have obligations and stuff, but not every musician works like I do, they don't all tour every year and spend every waking second devoted to their job. They make room for a life too, and I could do that. I could be with Hails if she let me."

"And you don't think she will?"

"I honestly don't know. I mean, I know she'd never let me give up my career, especially for her. Parts of it I couldn't even if I wanted to, I'm bound by contracts and legal shit. And honestly, I love it too much. But I just don't know, sometimes it's like I know her better than she knows herself....but when it comes to us or her feelings about it sometimes I just feel like I can't read her, like I don't know what she really wants. We don't talk about it, maybe she's just fine with me going and us just staying friends who talk once in a while." I shrugged, the idea of it making my heart ache.

"I don't think that's true." He sighed. "I've known Hails all my life, bro. She's complicated, she's had a lot of loss in her life, and she hasn't had the best luck with guys. But I see the way you two look at each other, I know she's not okay with you leaving. She's just too scared to tell you." He said, placing a hand on my shoulder in reassurance.