Through the Lens

Besties

Hailey's POV

I stood in my kitchen, staring down at the plate I was washing in the sink as I recalled the conversation Harry and I had a few days earlier. I hadn't seen or spoken to him since, and although I knew that I was the one who asked for space, I missed him dearly. I missed his stupid jokes that made no sense, the way his lips would curve into a smirk any time he said something cheeky, or the way my name sounded as it left his mouth in his deep British accent.

I'd listened to the sound of the back door closing as he left, gripping the counter as I watched him walk away and feeling like my legs were going to give out underneath me. The tears began to stream down my cheeks as I slowly slid down the counter to sit on the floor, burying my head in my hands as I cried. His words hung in the air of the kitchen, swirling around me as if the universe was taunting me with the idea that he could have possibly meant what he said. He'd said he wanted me, that he always had, but I knew it was dangerous to let myself believe it. I knew he cared for me as much as I cared for him, but I couldn't let myself entertain any more thoughts of Harry and I somehow ending up together.

I'd spent all of that morning convincing myself that I just needed to make the decision for both of us, that I needed to keep a safe boundary so that we could remain friends. I knew that if Harry and I crossed the line into more than friends that it would end badly, and he meant way too much to me to lose him. I needed him in my life, and if I could only have him as a friend then I would settle for that. Harry was the best friend I'd ever had, he had been there for me when I needed him and always made me feel like he understood. I'm sure that this exact situation was what he had feared all along, that our friendship would be affected and we'd lose each other over something stupid, and I realized that I just had to stop whatever was happening so our friendship could remain in tact.

I didn't realize the depth of my feelings for him until he kissed me, and I realized that he'd given me everything I'd ever wanted in that moment. He'd given me the perfect kiss, where I felt needed and wanted, and maybe I just needed to cherish that and be thankful for the moment in itself. He'd given me yet another experience I'd never had before, and if it never happened again at least I wouldn't always have to wonder what it was like to feel his lips against mine.

I'd never wanted to complicate his life, or cause problems with his career. Whatever was going on in his head was obviously related to his world outside of Lily Ridge, and I knew I couldn't begin to understand the pressures he faced, the constant scrutiny and judgment he fell victim to. He had come here to escape it, and I refused to be another thing that he felt the need to hide from. I wanted Harry to be happy, more than I'd ever wanted anything, and if that meant I had to shove my feelings down then I would.

I'd told myself I just need a couple of days, just some time to let my emotions die down, and then we could go back to the way things were. I thought everything could go back to normal and we could just pretend the kiss never happened, and we'd spend the rest of the summer laughing and going on adventures like we always did. Deep down I think I knew it wouldn't be that easy, but that was just another lie I told myself.

I'd sobbed on the kitchen floor for a while, just trying to let it all out. I think I thought if I left it all on my kitchen floor it would be easier to pretend everything was normal. I cried for the rejection I felt, for feeling stupid that I thought someone as amazing as him would ever want me, but mostly for the fact that I knew no matter what happened that summer that Harry wouldn't be here once fall came.

I would lose him either way. It didn't matter what did or didn't happen between us, what we did or didn't say to each other, because at the end of it all Harry would be gone back to his life and I would stay behind without him. I hated fighting with him, or thinking that we were wasting time being awkward around each other, so I knew I had to get my head in a better place so we could get past it and enjoy the summer.