Through the Lens

We Did Good

Hailey's POV

I was doing it.

I was holding back, and I knew it. I was putting up walls to protect myself and keeping Harry at a distance, and I knew he was starting to notice.

My mind had been constantly circling with images of him leaving, going back to his life and leaving me behind once again, that familiar uncertainty hanging over me and telling me I needed to be careful. I obviously knew that things had changed between us, and he'd been making a conscious effort to be more open with me and try to shift us into a new phase in our relationship, but I couldn't help but wonder if we'd just end up in the same place we had before.

It had been two days since our first official date, and things had been so amazing that I couldn't help but feel like the bottom could fall out at any moment. I was terrified to let myself think that things might stay that way, because when it came to Harry and I things never seemed to be that simple.

We were laying in his bed, staring out at the snow covered trees through the window, as a comfortable silence hovered around us. The slow and rhythmic beating of Harry's heart was softly thudding in his chest as I rested my head over it, and his fingertips gently ran up and down the skin of my shoulder as we enjoyed the last few hours of alone time before his family arrived and all of the Christmas festivities kicked off.

"I love you." Harry said softly as he leaned down and kissed the top of my head.

"I love you, too." I smiled up at him, the dimple appearing in his cheek.

He took my hand and laced his fingers between mine, absentmindedly playing with my fingers in his as I watched them rest in front of me on his chest, before I heard him let out a soft sigh and shift his eyes to look at me again.

I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth as he looked at me, and I could tell he knew something was on my mind, so I quickly shifted my gaze back over to our interlocked fingers and braced myself for the conversation I knew we had to have. A few seconds later, he reached down and lifted my chin to look at him with his other hand.

"Look at me." He said softly as I slowly shifted my eyes to meet his, suddenly feeling my stomach clench with anxiety. "What is it?"

I took a few seconds to gather myself, closing my eyes and taking a few small breaths, before I looked back up at him to see the concern in his eyes.

"When do you have to go back to LA?" I asked.

I watched as realization crossed his features, before they softened and a small smile tugged at his lips.

"I don't." He said simply. "I mean, I do technically live there...but I've got nothing going on that I need to be there for, not in the foreseeable future anyway. I'm right where I wanna be."

His answer gave me some relief, but still didn't eliminate my worry that the day would come where he would leave, and I didn't know what that would mean. He clearly knew I was worrying about it, because he reached up and tucked my hair behind my ear, looking at me with worry as I did my best to hide it from him. I should have known he knew me too well to pull it off.

"Hails, talk to me." He said. "What's on your mind?"

"Nothing." I said quickly, but he just continued to look down at me until I just gave up and sighed in defeat. "I just...I guess I'm scared."

"Why are you scared?"

"I don't know, I...I guess it just feels like we're us again, and I don't know if it's just while you're here or if it's something else." I said, feeling my eyes get glossy before I closed them and pushed the tears back. "I guess I'm scared you're just gonna leave and I'll lose you all over again. That maybe I shouldn't let myself get too attached."