After their two week trip in South America, where they visited Argentina, Brazil, Peru, and Chile and recorded two new songs (which Will thought would not make the album), they were all back in London, with the exception of Chris, who was back in New York. Jonny texted and called Chloe every night, and they set up a time for her to visit London and see him.
Chris had awkwardly acknowledged Jonny on the flight to Brazil, and Jonny simply told him that he would not make any decisions on his own relationship until Chris decided to break up with Gwenyth, and the thought had made Chris had burst into tears. They didn't talk to each other much after that.
Jonny was enjoying talking to Chloe, and Chris was doing his best to seem happy back in New York. His kids helped him a lot, as he loved being with Apple and Moses, and both of them were always needing something. It was absolutely exhausting, but it was worth it, at least until they went to bed.
When Apple and Moses were fast asleep and Gwenyth was away for work, Chris thought about Jonny. He wrote songs about him every day, but very few of them fit the tone of the album.
One night in particular, he was upset and lonely, and he remembered what Jonny had said about his decision. "Damn it Jonny, just say yes."
Yes... yes...
His anger was sudden inspiration for song lyrics.
"When it started we had high hopes,
Now my back's on the line,
My back's on the ropes."
He grunted at the truthfulness of the lyrics. He was so lonely, and he felt like he was in trouble because of it, thanks to Jonny.
"When it started we were alright,
But night makes a fool of us in daylight."
He thought of how stupid he had been that night he had made love to Jonny... after he'd been married. That was scandalous. He shouldn't have done that. Yet still, he felt like he needed to address it. He missed Jonny and the warmth of his body.
"There we were dying of frustration,
Saying lord lead me not into temptation."
He grunted again, imagining his sweet body against his, their bare chests against each other's, rubbing, kissing, fucking...
Damn, Jonny Boy, the things you do to me.
"But it's but easy when he turns you on,
Sin stay gone."
He quickly changed the "he" to a "she", to avoid the identity of the person who he was so frustrated with.
"If you'd only,
If you'd only say yes,
Whether you will's anybody's guess.
God only,
God knows I'm trying my best,
But I'm just so tired of this loneliness."
The song with an acoustic guitar didn't quite work, and he wished he had Jonny to help him.
No, you're mad at Jonny. Stop it.
But it was impossible to stay mad at him. He loved Jonny with every fiber of his being, and it was getting harder and harder to accept that. Not because of the whole "being gay" thing. He couldn't care less about that. He was having trouble accepting those feelings because it meant that he was wrong in marrying Gwenyth and following his father. He didn't regret having his kids for even a second, but he hated the way that those children had to be brought about. He didn't want them to grow up too fast, but he wanted them to hurry up and be old enough so that he could break it off with Gwen. Maybe he should say something to her. Maybe not. He didn't know anymore.
He took another look at his notepad, where he had written the lyrics, and closed it, the song unfinished. He pulled out his mobile and dialed Jonny's number, even though it was only 2 AM in London.
It rang twice, then Chris heard Jonny's sweet voice on the other end. "Chris? It's 2 in the morning!"
"I know, I'm sorry. I just needed to talk to you."
"Ugh, if this is about Chloe again-"
"It's not about her," Chris stated firmly, somewhat offended that Jonny thought she was all Chris had on his mind. "I just wanted to apologize."
"For what? Waking me up at 2 to talk to me?" Jonny chuckled slightly, but Chris took in a deep breath.
"For everything." He remembered the time when he had cut his wrist, and he looked down and frowned at the scar. "I was wrong. About everything. And now I just want you to be happy, since I'm never going to be."
"Chris? What are you talking about?"
"You deserve the world, J. I've been so cruel to you and I'll never forgive myself for letting you slip through my fingers." He thought about the day he'd broken up with Jonny, how he had almost stabbed himself, and how he still wished that he had.
"Chris-"
"I... I still love you, J. I never lied about that. There were just... complications that prevented us from being together." He grunted at the thought of the president of Ollama. He was still angry that he had lost Jonny because of some mission his father had failed. He was beginning to understand why his father had told him to trust no one in his final moments.
"I know, Chris. It's-"
"I hope you'll forgive me. But now I'm stuck with Gwenyth and you're in love with Chloe. I'm never going to be able to let these feelings go, but I'm also going to learn to cope with them. No more awkward moments between us. From now on, we're friends. Best friends. No more kisses or secret sex or intimate hugs. I should've done this a long time ago."
There was silence on the other end for a moment. Then, Jonny took a deep, shaky breath, and Chris knew that he had made the poor man cry. "You tried to do this awhile ago, silly." They two men forced a chuckle. "It didn't work. I don't think either of us will be able to let go of our feelings. After all, you were my first love..."
"And you were mine, J."
"Exactly. So that will never go away. But I understand. We'll limit everything to friendship for now. And maybe, some day, our relationship will see the light again."
Chris nodded, a tear falling down his cheek. He was so glad that Gwenyth was out late tonight. "I'm sorry, J. But I think it'd be better for both of us."
"Yeah."
They both sat in silence. Chris thought about everything they'd been through together, mostly the bad, and he hoped that this conversation would be the end of the bad times. "Thanks for understanding," he whispered.
Jonny took another deep breath. "You too."
They hung up, and Chris felt liberated. He loved Jonny, but now he could express how much the green-eyed man mattered to him through his friendship. Their friendship was the second-most important thing in Chris' life (right behind his kids) and he promised both of them that he would cherish it.
"I promise, Jonny Boy," he whispered, looking up at the ceiling, waiting for sleep to come.
"And I never break a promise."
YOU ARE READING
Sparks
أدب الهواة"Make yourself rich, repopulate, and gain some power, and come back when you're satisfied. Don't disappoint me, Mr. Martin." Chris Martin is an alien from planet Ollama. His life on Earth was laid out for him by the President of his home planet. How...
