Sparks

Thirteen

The next morning, Chris was very careful about hiding what he had done. It still wasn't cold enough for long sleeved shirts, even in London, so he wore short sleeves, but wore a wristband over the area that his razor had torn through his skin.

At least, he tried.

At one point in the day, as he was playing the guitar next to Guy, the wristband slid further and further down his wrist, and Guy kept giving him looks of suspicion as Chris stopped playing to readjust.

Another time, they were all sitting on a couch during break, and Phil took a peek towards Chris, who was unconsciously rubbing the cut across his arm. When Chris met Phil's eyes, he stopped rubbing and put his arm down.

By the end of the day, Chris was exhausted and anxious to get back to his wife. However, it seemed that Will had other ideas.

"Chris, mate," he called to Chris, who was again unconsciously rubbing his arm. He shot a look to Jonny, who sighed. "Why don't you stay with me after everyone else is gone?"

When Will asked something of the guys, it was more of an order than a request or suggestion. No one denied Will.

Chris sighed and nodded before waving goodbye to Guy, Phil, and the few other guys who could fit into Chris' old flat, including their manager, Dave, and some of Jonny's sound guys. He then quickly and awkwardly nodded to Jonny before going to sit next to Will on the couch.

"You've been down, lately," he said, making Chris tense up. "Why? You've got a loving wife and a baby on the way. What's wrong?"

Chris reached for his cut again and was relieved slightly by the feel of the wristband on his arm, covering up his shameful mistake. Chris shook his head. "Come on, mate! We're brothers. I'm not gonna tell anyone. You know that."

It was true. Of all the guys, Will was the best at keeping secrets, and Chris was the worst. He thought about this, opened his mouth, and closed it again.

"Fine, if you won't tell me what's wrong, then maybe you'll tell me what's going on with your wrist." The drummer crossed his arms in annoyance.

"I don't know what you're talking about." The blue-eyed singer tried to keep calm, but he could hear his voice crack and he knew he was going to break.

"The wristband. Don't play dumb, Chris."

A sob escaped Chris' throat and he couldn't take it anymore. He wanted to scream back to his home planet, he wanted to get rid of Gwenyth, he wanted to play music and fuck with Jonny. He cried loudly, and Will simply hugged the singer to his chest and whispered encouraging words to his friend.

"Will, I couldn't take it. I... I mean, I didn't mean to, and I regret it now, but... but that the time it had felt so right and so good... and it stopped the pain and-"

"Chris! Slow down! What are you talking about?"

Slowly, Chris removed the wristband and Will gasped. "I cut myself."

More tears. It seemed like all Chris had done since his wedding was cry. It was a wonder that Gwenyth hadn't noticed.

"Chris, why would you do that?"

"Because I still love Jonny," he said, the truth finally slipping from his lips.

Will sighed. It hadn't surprised him in the least, but what had surprised him was the fact that he was willing to admit it when he was now married. "I know, Chris. It's ok."

"No, it's not! I'm married! And I'm going to be a dad soon! I can't still love Jonny. It's not fair to Jonny, or Gwenyth, or my kid, or anyone!"

Will nodded. "I understand, but you can't beat yourself up over it. You can still love him and not be depressed. You get to be with him every day. You can talk to him and hug him and kiss him in a friendly way. No one else has to know."