Through the Darkness (Book 2 of "Family of Rebels")

Chapter 9: Understanding

Another warning for dark stuff. Not quite as much, though. I'm in a phase of depression right now, so this is all I can think of.

Anyways, here it is, and don't worry, I should be out of this phase soon enough and back to the lovable Rebels you know and love! :-)

2 days later......

Ezra's POV

Nobody spoke about what Sarah had said. We didn't even tell the rest of Phoenix Squadron. It was just too much to process.

But, my mind kept circling on about everything she did.

She killed innocent people.

But, she delivered the bodies herself and explained.

But, that caused Mom and Dad to be captured.

But, she never forgot about them.

My mind has been conflicting with me too much to think about it lately.

But, now that I have looked over everything in my mind, I think I need to talk to her. Maybe I can help her get over it.

The Ghost didn't have an extra bed for her, so she took an extra bedroom on base. When she was in the Ghost, she slept on a brown leather jacket that she found laying around on Lothal, usually sleeping in the little closet that went to the vents near the landing platform. I guess it seemed like home to her; sleeping in a small, uncomfortable place, with nothing to keep out the cold.

I walked up to her door and raised my hand to knock on it.

I hesitated. Should I really see her? She has been hiding there these past few days. Maybe there was a reason? Maybe she was afraid to see us? Afraid that we were afraid to see her?

My fist came into contact with her door.

"Come in."

I opened it. There she was, sitting there with her lightsaber out.

But, it horrified me.

It was right up against her neck.

Ignited.

"No!" I yelled. I wrestled the lightsaber out of her hands and threw it aside.

Sarah stood up and said, "What was that all about?"

I wanted to scream. After everything she had talked about, she still wanted to die. "You were about to kill yourself, Sarah!! You had the lightsaber up and ready to kill!"

Sarah looked confused... I think. I couldn't tell with the mask.

But, she sighed and face/mask palmed. "Ezra, I was checking to see how well my lightsaber worked and if I needed to change the length. Don't worry, I'm not trying to die."

I sighed in relief. I was just being paranoid.

"Sorry, it's just... what you had said you did a couple days ago... it got in my head."

She responded, "I don't blame you. In fact, Kanan had ran in yesterday when I was meditating. He had gotten a piece of my connection of a really bad day I was reflecting on."

"Which was...?" I knew she has had a lot of bad days. She had to be more specific than that.

She looked down, as if she were ashamed to say any of it.

Her voice was lower now. "It was the day after I brainwashed you. It was the first day that... that I.... I wanted to..."

She couldn't finish. I can barely take it in when she says anything like that. My own sister wanted to die when she was only five, and I could have been there for her to help her through it.