Stage 4 Fear Of Dying ✔ (Frerard)

//Chapter 7\\

"But if I had the chance to scream all the things I've underlined
Yea you'd find I'm a thief."

Frank's POV:

So I told Mikey and Ray what was happening. I told them I was dying for real this time. And that I had a week, maybe less, left to live. And they asked if I wanted anything. And I said yeah, there was one thing we could do that would make me feel a little better after my shitty day.

So that's how it was. We ended up sitting in a pillow fort. Myself squished between Gerard and Ray, who was holding Fun Ghoul. Mikey strewn across all three of us and acting like a child making Gerard pet his hair. Junk food and soda littering the floor and two piles of movies. Ones that we'd watched and ones we were going to watch. Currently it was Drop Dead Fred. Fuck I love this movie. And yes. I do still cry at this movie too.

I could have been doing anything right now. Skydiving. Going to a fancy restaurant. Going to Disneyland. Absolutely anything and everything I wanted to do. Because Gerard said I could. And with the three of them putting their money together for me, we were practically fucking loaded.

But no. I wanted it this way. Because I'd never had anything like this before. Friends. Family. Company in general. These were all of that to me and more. They were so important to me. And maybe I'd like to study them. Remember their faces. What they're like. Who exactly they are to me. Because I don't know what happens after we die. But I know that I want to remember Gerard, Mikey and Ray. They'd make my eternity a happy one at least, even if they weren't there.

Ray. I don't want to mention the afro but...the afro. The fro. Of course it's gonna be recognisable and memorable. Nobody can pull it off better than him. He's probably the biggest softy out of the three. Always settling fights between Gerard and Mikey. Or if he couldn't, he'd take me away from it. Most of the time we'd go to his room and jam on our guitars. I gotta admit, we were very different about how we played them. See, I liked power. And Ray liked skill. And the two probably shouldn't have worked together but it did. And it's awesome!! He taught me a few tricks and I showed him my favourite power chords. And he taught me how to play Iron Maiden songs. So, if I get a guitar in Heaven, or Hell, wherever I go, I'm gonna play every Iron Maiden song I know and just hope he can hear it.

Mikey. Well now Mikey is a stone cold, polker-faced, emotionless bean!! Maybe he doesn't show much facial expression but he acts the most like a kid and honestly it's adorable. He's like a little Brother to me, despite being older. He brings the fun, the laughter and the inner child to the table. Okay, that sounded weird. But yeah, I mean, we all feel younger around Mikey. Like we've still got our whole lives ahead of us. He tried teaching me how to play bass once. But it wasn't for me. It didn't matter much to Mikey because we suddenly shared a keen interest in Star Wars. And yet, behind his child-like behaviour, he can grow up when he needs to. I know it's random, but, I hope he has kids one day. He'd make a great Dad.

And Gerard.

Gerard.

Well Gerard was the love of my short, bitter fucking life. I don't care if you think it's too early to be saying shit like that, I probably won't get to say it soon. But I think I knew it the moment he came up to me in that parking lot. He was the only one who cared. Really cared. He promised me a life worth living and he's done nothing but be true to his word. Every little thing we do together. Every second spent with him means everything to me. And not so long ago, nothing meant anything to me.

Except for Fun Ghoul of course.

See I was this secluded, bitter little man with a tight lip and melancholy heart. I was cautious of everything and spat words of venom at everyone that strayed to close to my dark, shady bubble. I isolated myself from the world. And for two reasons.

One. I hated it.

And two. I feared it.

I hated that it had the power to give and take life as it chooses and when it chooses. The kid that got hit by a car. That was the world's fault. That woman who took her own life. That was the world's fault. And how do I know that?? Because it was my fault too. Because I'm part of this world. So is everyone else. And we play our puny little part in it that adds up and adds up and gives the world more power than it bargained for. But we don't see that and we don't stop. So we give it more power. We give the small signals for a life to be born and a life to be taken. And we'll forever continue to do so. Because Monsters and Humans are the exact same thing. Some try to be different. Some try to help. Some are just kinder because they understand what's going on. And what's going on is horrible. But it's life. So we make do and we carry on.

And...yeah, I fear it too. I fear it because now I'm one of the unlucky ones. One of the lives the world has just decided to take. And I'm not sure why.

I'm not a bad person. I'm not evil. Sure I've made mistakes, fuckin' plenty of em'. But nothing compared to the real criminals. I haven't murdered or stolen or raped, nothing like that. The worst I could have ever done is smoke.

But then I have to think.

Does torture count??

Because if so, then I'm guilty. And my sentence to death is valid and reasonable. Because I've tortured someone. I still do. I've toyed with their heartstrings and have it stitched with the strings attached to my fingers. I can make this person follow me. My every move. My every command. I can make this person stand and fall for me, lie for me, die for me. And I'll always wonder why. But I can't entirely blame myself. After all, (although I don't know how this person ever could) I'm not the one who fell for me.

If I'm guilty of torturing someone.

Then I accept my fate.

Because Gerard Way has fallen in love with me.

And he will hurt forever because of it.