Stage 4 Fear Of Dying ✔ (Frerard)

//Chapter 11\\

"I never felt more alone than when I fell."

Frank's POV:

The park was nice. Simply put.

The weather was calm, pale grey clouds but still kinda warm. The trees were turning to shades of yellow and red as Autumn drew near. That kinda made me sad though. I'm not gonna live til October. I'm gonna miss my birthday. Worse, I'm gonna miss Halloween. And I had a really good costume planned too.

"Whatcha thinking about Frank??" Ray asked from the platform of the climbing frame above me.

"Halloween." I answered as my feet scraped lightly over the gravel under the swing I was sat on.

"Oh. How come?? Halloween isn't until October."

"Exactly. I'm gonna miss it. My Birthday too."

"When's your Birthday??" Mikey asked from the swing beside me.

"Halloween."

Gerard looked up from his comic at the mention of my Birthday.

"You don't have to miss it." He insisted.

"Umm...I kinda do. I'm not gonna be alive on my Birthday."

"We can move it forward. Tomorrow if you want??"

"Oh yeah, because I can just decide to up my age another year whenever I want."

"Of course you can. I don't really believe in the whole aging process. I think that your Birthday is just a day to celebrate the fact that you came into this world. And you can do that whenever you want. Because in that case, everyday is a blessing. And everyday is your Birthday...that makes sense right??"

"Not at all but I see your point."

"So you wanna celebrate your Birthday tomorrow then??"

"Well...I guess, if that's okay."

"It's fine Frank. Like I keep telling you, whatever you wanna do, we'll do."

"Well in that case-"

"No murder!!" They all chorused.

"Damn." I giggled. "Well actually I was gonna ask if we can celebrate Halloween tomorrow too. Since my Birthday is meant to be on Halloween. Plus I value Halloween more than the fact that it's also my Birthday."

"Of course we can!! That sounds awesome, I'm gonna start on my costume as soon as we get home!!" Mikey exclaimed happily.

"Nerd." Ray muttered under his breath causing me and Gerard to giggle as Mikey pouted.

It occurred to me just then that I had been sitting on the swing for a while now. But had done no actual swinging. I pulled back and the chains and tip-toed backwards before letting myself fly back and forth. I could feel the guys watching me with mild amusement but that only made me swing higher.

Mikey then followed suit and swung so we crossed eachother. We held out a hand each and clasped them together, which may have been a mistake as it then felt as though our limbs were being pulled apart. The swings skidded to a halt and we held our shoulders in mock agony. They really didn't even ache all that much.

Suddenly we were pushed forward again, clinging to the chains quickly in surprise. Ray and Gerard laughed from behind us as they pushed on the seat of the swings to make us go higher. I swear it must be what flying felt like. And in the midst of the laughter of my family and the rhythmic flying my tiny smirk turned into a full blown grin.

And then I thought this must be what being a kid feels like.

---

"You know, if we buy enough candy today, we'll have some for tomorrow too." Gerard advised. "You know, just in case angry parents chase us away with rolling pins and shot guns instead of giving us any candy."

"Good idea." I mused.

The streets weren't very crowded today. Then again I'm not surprised, I mean, when are they ever?? This is Jersey we're talking about. You either die or survive and if you survive long enough you die anyway. What a shame.

But for the few people that did walk past us or look at us from across the street, they were making me feel uneasy. Their looks weren't friendly but they weren't evil either. I wish they were though. It's better than looking at me like I'm a Monster. Of course I was wearing my beanie because I was ashamed of what my hair looked like. But that didn't cover up the deathly paleness to my skin, the cracked lips and dark, sunken in eyes. I looked like a zombie. I guess I couldn't blame them for looking at me like a Monster. It still hurt though.

I didn't know if Gerard was a mind reader or just noticed my uncomfortable despair but he grabbed my hand out of the blue and held it softly. I didn't look up at him but I smiled and wrapped my fingers around his own, moving just a little closer to him.

I knew that we had arrived at the candy shop without even having to look up. And it wasn't just because Mikey and Ray, who were in front of us, scrambled quickly and eagerly like little kids into a building just now to the left side of us. But you could smell it.

It wasn't until now, I actually thought I'd lost my sense of smell. But I was wrong. There were so many different smells, so many strong scents that I could taste them all at once if I only parted my lips. Gerard opened the door and held it open for me as I walked in. As soon as I did I, may or may not have, cringed slightly from all the bright colours and patterns around me. This was different. And I can honestly say I prefer darker colours. The brightest thing I ever wanted in my life was Gerard's hair.

Despite the overuse of colour and scent I actually had a great time picking out all my favourite candies including ones that looked okay and suggestions from the guys. The guy who worked there shook his head, smiled and muttered that we were 'like kids in a candy shop'. To which we replied by yelling that we were in fact kids in a candy shop. And then proceeded to skip home.

Well, we skipped only for as long as I could before my breath cut short and we had to resort to walking. It wasn't a big deal as we still had a good laugh on the way home. The only thing that ruined it for me was something nobody else could notice. And that was the nagging fear in the back of my mind of my inevitable death. It's coming fast and there's no stopping it and I won't lie and say I'm not scared because I am.

I'm terrified.