Built on Hope (Cassian Andor FF)

33. More than One Type of Prison

Another hour had passed until Talia finally decided to go back to her room. Her reddened eyes finally turned back to its normal white, despite crying with the group just a few minutes ago. The weight of the stories and emotions had swirled around the campfire, drowning the entire group. Talia managed to find her way to the surface somehow.

She rested against the closed door, eyes closed as she took in a deep breath. The ache in her chest pulsed in waves, coinciding with her heart rate. She rested her free hand just below her chest and grimaced. The old bandages on her burns needed to be changed. When she unwrapped them, the fresh air hit the burns, causing a tingling sensation to go through her body. Was that what shivers felt like against the burnt skin? Gross.

Talia walked over to the desk and grabbed new bandages and the ointment the Queen had given her. Just as she was about to put on the new bandages, someone knocked on the door.

When she answered it, Kay-Tuesso stood there awkwardly, arms swinging a bit along his sides. His white eyes looked down at her. The usual condescending or sarcastic voice was now caring and low, "Cassian needs to see you."

Was she ready to face him? Had she composed what she was going to say and how? No. Not at all. All she knew was she was confused. Remorseful. And a tinge of longing stressed her heart. Talia debated shutting the door on him, but refrained from doing so. She had to hear Kaytoo out. None of this was his fault.

"His attacks are getting worse."

Not good. If his attacks were getting worse, he couldn't be alone. Shouldn't have to be. The attacks themselves were bad enough, but without support? He might drown completely. Talia tried not to look surprised or anxious, and attempted to take a page out of Cassian's soldier book. "Why doesn't he go to med bay?"

Kaytoo shook his metal head as if she said something incredibly dumb or naive. "I wouldn't have come to you if he had. He is too stubborn to go."

"Is he having one now?"

"Yes."

Without thinking, Talia shoved the bandages and ointment into her pockets and rushed to Cassian's room. It didn't matter if they fought, or how she was going to word her apology. In that moment, he needed her the most. She wasn't going to let him suffer alone. That would be cruel and unusual punishment, and Cassian has had his fair share of that.

The crowded halls bustled with life as rebels and spies ran around. Some prepared for missions while others simply were on lunch break. Rebels conversed with one another, talking about missions currently going on. Something with Wedge Antilles, Darth Vader, and Kamino? It didn't matter. Talia had to get to Cassian's room without causing suspicion. Actually? No. Who cares? A nervousness settled in her stomach as she worried for Cassian. How many times had this happened before and she didn't know? How long had he suffered alone?

What made her more nervous was that his door was unlocked. Anyone could have walked in. She shut the door behind her and looked around.

Cassian paced the dimly lit room, hands scratching at his chest as he trembled. Back and forth, taking short breaths as he gasped in pain. His reaction time wasn't quick until he heard Talia enter the room. His wide dark eyes glanced at her for a short second before darting away as he turned around. "Please, go," his voice was unsure and weaker than she had ever heard.

Talia halfway raised her hands in defense as if she got caught by an Imperial patrol. Show nothing is wrong. Might put him at ease, even just for a moment. She spoke slowly and calmly, "Please don't push me away. I'm here to help."

Cassian shook his head erratically as he pulled at the roots of his brown hair. "I-I don't want you s-seeing me like this."

"I understand." Which wasn't a lie. She did. But it pained her to turn away more than it did to see him that way. Being alone? It's one of the worst things of all when hurting like that. A sudden memory of being completely alone after Anhira and Zara died washed over her mind. How tired and depressed she felt. How she wanted to sink into the world and never come back up. It's dangerous to be left alone with thoughts like that. But...if he really wanted her gone, she had to respect his wishes. She couldn't force herself to stay. That might only make it worse. She turned around and did what he asked.