Wherever you are (Michael Clifford)

Change

Jake rocks me back and forward in his arms, trying to calm me down.

"I don't know." I sob into his chest.

"I don't know why it has to be like this Jake." He pushes the hair out of my face and attempts to wipe the tears away.

"I don't know if you want to hear this?

But I Love Him.

I need him with me, almost all the time. I feel like I can't manage without him, it feels so much harder trying to face things without him by my side.

And I know he doesn't need me, I know that he could easily live without me and that he could have someone so much better than me.

Words can't describe how grateful I was when he choose to be with me out of all those girls.

I mean I'm boring, I would rather be at home with him than at a party, I'm quiet, I'm not sociable and he is the complete opposite from me, I find it hard to see the positives in life and sometimes I find it hard to be happy.

Michael is always looking at the positives and he's always happy and I'v never understood how he can go through life like that so easy you know?

He is part of the happiness I have and for that to get taken away from me? Well let's just say Jake I haven't coped very well.

I miss his smile, or how much he laughs at stupid things, I miss the way he internally groans at anything but he is still happy.

I miss his sarcasm and his extremely bad jokes.

I miss the way he agrees on most things with me, just to please me.

I miss the way he bitches about the people that I hate just to make me smile.

Jake when I agreed to be your girlfriend I was in love with the idea of being in love, but I didn't know what it was until I met Michael.

In my old school I had never had a boyfriend, i didn't know what it was like or if I was doing the whole girlfriend thing right but Michael made me feel like I was Important and that he actually loved me, not the stupid kind but the real kind.

When you told me I was suppose to stay away from Michael I cried, for days, and I didn't know why, I didn't know I loved him.

I need a hug, or something, or at least to just to be with him for a few more moments one last time because I have this empty feeling inside me, and I have a feeling it's going to stay there if he doesn't know, that I love him so much that it sort of makes my heart ache."

I stop talking now.

Saying everything I could possible feel about Michael right now felt good, it felt like closure which is exactly what I needed.

I know Michael doesn't want to be with me anymore and I'm not ok with it, but it's time to come to terms with it.

I keep repeating that to myself and I know I'v said it so many times, I'm a wreck and I have to sort it.

I let out a shakey breath I didn't knows I was holding in and stood up from Jakes lap.

I smiled weakly at him.

"Thank you." I kiss his forehead lightly.

"For everything."

I walk out of the room and find a bathroom across the hall.

I feel far to dressed up for my mood.

I remove all my make up and tie my hair up in a messy bun and make my way down the stairs.

"Hey guys." I smile at my friends.

"Where did you go, are you alright?" Maddie asks.

I think about the question.

"No, I'm not, but I will be on Monday ok?"

I'm going to go home and sort myself out immediately.

I give them all a hug and tell them how much I love them, take my heels from where I left them and prepare for a long walk home.

Michael p.o.v

I sit in the only quiet hallway in this place thinking about everything.

Maybe I should get away for a while? It would be easier for Hannah.

It would be hell for me, not being able to see her everyday.

I don't know where I would go, and I don't think my family would be very happy about me leaving them.

I rest my head on the wall and close my eyes, trying to empty my head of all thoughts.

They are all floating around screaming and shouting trying to all be heard at once.

I grip my face in my hands trying to calm down.

"Michael!" I hear a shout and I'm sure it's just my thoughts.

"Michael dude!" Someone grabs my shoulders and stars to shake them.

I stare up at then ready to snap but I don't when I realise it's Jake.

I'v had enough arguing with him.

"Okay listen to me." He says slowly and clearly.

"Hannah is about to leave the party and you have to go after her ok, you don't realise how much she loves you."

I groan.

"Why can't you both accept that I don't want to be with her."

The words burn my throat and I feel like I'm going to throw up.

He rolls his eyes.

"You know that's utter bull shit ok, I see the way you still look at her and I can't tell when you are lying."

I clench my fists.

"I didn't want to have to do this but listen to this voice note ok, she just vented to me about how much she loves you and if this doesn't make you see sense then you are impossible."

He plays it and I listen intently.

Hannah's voice fills my ears and makes my heart beat fast.

Listening to her sobs make me feel like complete shit and I have to force my self to listen.

Does she really mean all those words, are they true?

When the video clip ends I realise how stupid I am.

I'm a fucking idiot and I really haven't handled this fucking situation right.

I love her and she loves me and we are meant to be together.

Next thing I know I'm on my feet, running to the living room.

I see Hannah's friend and instantly start asking questions.

"Where is Hannah?" I ask impatiently and they all scowl at me, obviously hating on me because I broke their bestfriends heart.

"Why should we tell you." Danielle fires back and I grow impatient.

"WHERE IS SHE." I shout a little to loud attracting attention over the loud music.

"She fucking went home." Melissa appears behind me and bumps past me.

I jog to keep up with her.

"What way did she go? Who did she leave with? Is she walking?"

"Wow fuck Michael calm down." Jules smirks and I groan and pull my hair in frustration.

"I don't know what your game is Michael but you have to stop hurting her, I saw her go home, she took the right, she has no shoes on, no jacket and it's freezing so find her quick." Melissa says blackly and I thank her.

I start to run as fast as I can, taking the right.