Wherever you are (Michael Clifford)

Chapter 45

"So he ignored all your sappy shit about feelings and decided to cancel the plans you guys made?" Erica slurs swaying her glass from side to side.

"Yes! I mean we have to be close our parents are trying to tear us apart, and he can't even go and get pizza with me! Maybe he didn't like my outfit."

The room is spinning and it's safe to say I have drank far too much. Erica is a bad influence on me.

I think because I haven't ate anything the alcohol has gone straight to my head, so at this point I'm just letting everything I have to say flow out and not keeping anything back.

"Okay first of all," Erica holds up one finger, "your outfit is banging today, I really like your boots! where did you get them?" she looks at me expectantly and I motion for her to go on, ignoring her question about my boots.

"Second of all, your parents are probably just worried about you, I mean no wonder. We didn't know if you were going to die. I guess they just got a fright and realised you's didn't spend a lot of time together."

I roll my eyes over dramatically, she has an answer for everything.

"Third, did he tell you where he was going?"

"He said he has a surprise for me."

"Well then I suppose you better wait and see if it's good enough for him to patch you for." she says taking another drink.

I join her in another drink and get off the subject.

"Lets go to that party tonight," Lucy sits up. "the girls just text me and I wasn't going to go but I think we should!" I can tell when she's getting excited.

"I didn't even know there was a party tonight." I get up and help Erica with her outfit. I haven't agreed to go yet but I know I won't win.

The fact that I didn't know there is a party shows how much time and effort I put in to my life for Michael. I don't mean to ignore everything else and it's not like I do, but obviously enough to miss out on these type of things.

Erica and I walk round to my house when she has chosen her outfit and attempted to stay standing in the killer heels she's wearing.

She looks stunning with a short dress that clings to her body, I'm jealous.

Getting to my house wasn't easy though considering how Erica can only take a few steps before having to stop and gain her balance.

My mum was delighted to see Erica instead of Michael for once but I ignore her rude comment about it and run up the stairs to slip a dress on.

I decide on a short black dress with red heels, which I can't walk in either. I don't know why I put myself through this.

Erica gets Ashton to pick us up from my house since he's invited to the party also. I feel like a bad friend because I haven't even asked her how they are getting on, like are the seeing each other? Dating? I don't know.

But as Lucy sits In passengers seat whilst Ashton drives and I'm in the back they giggle and talk In whispered tones, sharing glances when one isn't looking every so often.

It makes me miss Michael more, maybe I shouldn't have gone without telling him. I probably shouldn't have gone without him, In fact I shouldn't have gone at all regardless.

I quickly pull out my phone and let Michael know where I'm going, being careful to not make it obvious I'm drunk. Michael isn't the type that would be completely ok with me going to a party, drunk with a lot of other drunk guys and no sign of him.

When we get to the party I walk in to the hall deciding that Erica and Ashton could use some alone time I go and look for some of our friends.

I spot Jake with an unfamiliar guy. He catches my eye and smiles so I make my way over.

"Hi," I smile up at him as his tall body towers over me. He pulls me in to a bone crushing hug and I feel better about being here.

"It's been too long Han." he puts his arm around my waist and turns to his friend.

"This is Tom, Tom this is a good friend of mine Hannah." I shake Tom's hand and his eyes rake up and down my body, studying me. I suddenly feel self conscious and tense a little.

"Pleasure to meet you beautiful," he flashes me a grin and I blush. "you too."

"Hannah is Michael's girlfriend, we met a while ago." something flashes through his eyes and I put my hand around his back giving him a reassuring squeeze.

Tom's eyes widen. "No way? Clifford? I didn't know Mike even dated. I thought he just fucked then left like old times." Tom laughs and Jake joins in nervously glancing at me.

I feel a pang I'm my stomach and I think I'm going to throw up. I need to go home.

But after Tom hands Jake and I a glass and we get on a topic that is not how much of a man whore Michael used to be I begin to relax a lot more, joining in to conversations and laughing.

I don't know how long it's been until I'm swaying a little but Luckily Jakes arm hasn't left my waist and his tall body is something to hold on to.

"Remember that time.." Tom's interrupted by a load voice that only we can hear shouting from a short distance away from us.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Michael storms over and I feel the blood drain from my face. He's mad, really mad actually and I'm dreading having to spend the night with him ignoring me.

Michael looks at Jakes arm around my waist and I immediately move so that his arm falls. Tom goes quiet and Jakes eyes are wide.

"It's only a few drinks mate," Tom tried to lighten the atmosphere and it fails when Michael sends an ice cold glare his way.

If looks could kill I would be picking an outfit out for Tom's funeral when I got home.

"Why were you touching my girlfriend," Michael spits at Jake and then all of a sudden turns to me anger burning clear In his eyes.

Between Tom backing off, Jake being speechless and Michael being more mad at me than he ever has it's enough to make the tears brim at my eyes. This is too much for me.

"I'm going to go and wait in the car." I choke out, the tears finally spilling. I don't wait to see Michael and Jake arguing, I just go straight to the car and wait because it's locked. The cold air stings my arms and legs and makes me sway. I take my heels off and lean against the car. I'm still drunk I can tell.

Michael emerges from the hall 10 minutes later, slamming the doors behind him and storming over to the car, clearly still angry.

I want to hug him, and kiss every inch of his face, and run my hands through his hair and sit In his lap. I want him to tell me he loves me. I just want my Michael.

This Michael is clearly the one that Tom was talking about, the way he used to be and the fact that I'v never seen him like this apart from the time that I accidentally bumped in to him In the hall way at school and he went apeshit, but that's before I got to know him.

He opens the truck door and gets in slamming it, I flinch and dump my heels In the back seat.

I start too shiver and Michael puts the heating on, reaching in to the back seat he gets his black jumper and tosses It to me. He knows it's my favourite so even though he's mad he's still being Michael in some way.

I pluck up the courage to say something, clearing my throat.

"Michael?" I breathe out and try to put my hand over his but he yanks it away so quickly that the tears brim my eyes again. He doesn't want me.

"Just Fucking don't Hannah. Don't." He puts his head in his hands and sighs loudly.

So I don't. I turn towards the window and don't let him see me cry, trying to keep quiet, trying to breathe and exist quietly.