Homestuck One-shots

Bro x Abandoned!Baby!Reader x Dave

(TW: #Swearing #abandonment #BrosephStrider #BetaBro)

A baby cried and sobbed in the bundle of soiled, dirty blankets on the ground. It's cries falling on deaf ears as busy people went this way and that, not giving a glance at the poor abandoned child. It was sprinkling so there hadn't been many people walking due to the oncoming storm, one man stood out. His bleach blonde hair poking out from underneath a grey cap on his head, white t-shirt tucked into his black pants very neatly. On his face was odd triangular shades hiding his eyes, he had no expression and occasionally fix his finger-less gloves. 

He stopped upon hearing the cries of a very distressed baby. "Jesus fuck. How'd you get out here, kid?" 

Bro leaned over and picked the baby up from the soaking pile of blankets, his eyes studying the whimpering child in his arms. "Why would someone think it would be okay to leave this kid by themself?" 

Bro took a look around, no one seemed like they were missing a child. The man sighed and cradled the child in his arms, returning to his apartment. He began looking through his messy, smuppet ridden kitchen. "Fuck what do babies eat again? Yo lil' man! What do babies eat again?" 

The eldest Strider called to the younger brother, who was probably pestering his friends. "Why do you want to know? Did you knock up some girl? Bro we talked about this-"

"David Elizabeth Strider you know I am a homosexual how dare you accuse me of that. Now get in here and hold this baby!" 

"Uuuuuuuuuuuugh."

Dave flash stepped into the room, grabbing the baby from Bro's arms. "God Bro! It stinks like hell, where did you find it? The street?" 

"Yes. Now calm it down while I find some milk or some shit."

Dave, rolling his eyes, sat himself down on the couch. The baby calming down to quiet wimpers. 

After hours of Bro looking for food for the baby, feeding the baby and bathing it, the Striders became tired, they began caring for the baby for a month now and had to figure out a name. "Okay, Bro. We have to name them, we can't just keep calling them 'Baby Strider'."
"Let's name them Dick."

"No Bro! What the actual fuck?! We are not naming them after the male genital. What about- OH FUCK!"

"Okay, that's even worse than Dick." 

"No Bro! The baby's on the fucking window sill!" 

Dave and Bro looked at young Dick- oh wait we agreed the baby was not going to be named dick, crawling around on the window sill and babbling like babies do, minus the window sill part. Bro and Dave shot up to grab the baby, cooing softly at it. Finally it clicked to the Striders of what to name the baby, good timing boys. "(Y/n), we've got some sweet AJ for you." 

Dave quietly whispered to the baby, their attention focused on Dave. They sat down, holding their arms up to Dave and Bro. "Daahh- Dahv! Bo!" 

The baby attempted to babble out the words 'Dave' and 'Bro'. This made Bro 'awe' and continue to take pictures for the scrapbook. "Dammit Bro! Help me!" 

Dave grumbled but quickly grabbed young (y/n). Hugging the baby softly and sighing, Bro taking more pictures and wiping an imaginary tear. "Bo Bo Bo Bo!" 

(Y/n) babbled, reaching for Bro, their hands repeatedly clenching and unclenching in a sign of wanting to be held by Bro. They giggled as Bro held the younger Strider, placing shades on their face. "You've earned these lil'  (y/n)." 

(y/n) squealed and reached for Dave. "Dahv! Dahhhhhv!" 

Dave rolled his eyes, ruffling the youngsters head making the baby go into a fit of giggles. Everything was going to be alright, then Bro piped up.

"Next we teach them how to use a sword!"