Who Am I To Say

Chapter Twenty Four - Three Little Words

It was really cold.

I was sitting in one of the metal chairs they leave out for visitors. Did they turn the heat off? Yeah, it's summer but it feels like winter! The metal bit at my thighs, my teeth were clattering, it was so cold I couldn't feel my fingertips. It was so COLD. Then again it could just be me.

I slipped under the covers of the hospital bed. I immediately felt better. Erin was so warm. I looked at his peaceful face. His eyes were closed shut, his cheeks were flushed bright red, a strand of drool was dripping down his mouth. I closed my eyes and felt a hand brush against my cheek. The blanket shifted, letting a breeze of cold air in making me shiver. "Hey, Eb." Erin was staring at me, his soft hand was covering mine. "So you were awake the whole time?" He nodded messing his hair up in the process. I didn't say anything else, I wasn't going to start the upcoming conversation. That was all on Erin.

"I'm really stupid. I know. You don't have to tell me." Erin started babbling, I don't think he knew how to do this either. "You are stupid." I felt my face turning red, I had to resist the urge to bury my face in the pillow. "You're the stupid one. This whole time. You never realized how I felt." How he felt? Is he saying he felt this way from the beginning? He leaned in. We were so close, the tips of our noses touched. "I didn't let you kill yourself because I'm selfish. I need you, and I didn't want to let you go, not until I got to tell you." Erin's breath was sweet, his arms wrapped around me. I wanted to stay safe in his arms until it was time to go. I was waiting. Waiting for him to say those three little words.

"I promise, I'll protect you. I won't let anything hurt you again." Tears slipped down his cheeks, they seemed to glow in the moonlight. "How can you say that? You lied and hurt me in so many ways." His eyes were so sad. He bit his lip, making the flesh turn white. I was dense, but I know there was something he wasn't telling me. Erin had something weighing him down, and he wouldn't let me help. He was locking me out. I couldn't ask him, there had to be a reason he was hiding. There had to be. "I was trying to protect you." His voice was quiet, almost a whisper. "Because I love you."

I don't know what it felt like. A little while after he fell back asleep, I didn't blame him, it was 2 am after all. I can't imagine where I would be now if I didn't have Erin. I would still be that girl hiding behind her hair, desperately trying to fade into the background. Maybe I would be dead already. He saved me. With three little words.