Who Am I To Say

Chapter Twenty-One - Dead Inside Or Outside

"I didn't mean to. I didn't mean to. I didn't meant to. This isn't what I wanted. I-" my voice stopped working, the pain swelled in my throat. "This isn't what I wanted."

Plip plip plip plip plip plip plip plip plip. Small scarlet drops fell slowly to the ground, each darker then the last. My salty tears mingled with ruby liquid on the floor. I didn't want this. I didn't.

The blade was lodged into the palm of Erin' s hand, the tip was millimetres away was scratching my neck. The strong grip I once had around the handle melted away and my red hands fell to my sides. The blood smeared on my white t-shirt, I don't think that I would be able to get rid of this stain. There was no way I could. Erin didn't look at me, his gaze settled on the growing puddle of blood beneath his injured hand. "Quit it." His voice was sad and soft, yet it was hurt at the same time. "You say you didn't mean to but-" shiny silver droplets fell from his eyes. I made him cry. The horrible things I tried to do, made this angel cry. Maybe I am a demon after all.

"Why? Why are you doing this?" Erin asked, his voice cracked. "If I wants here. If I didn't stop you." He stared at the knife in his hand. "You would be dead." His eyes looked as though they had melted and were now running down his face. He grit his teeth yanking the knife out of its place. A waterfall of blood gushed from the gash. "Erin!" He wasn't listening though. Slowly he stumbled towards me. "Erin." He touched my cheeks with his hands. I could hear the beat of his heart echoing through his skin. A sea of scarlet flowed down my face. I looked at Erin. He was crying tears of blood.

"Don't do that again. Promise me. Tell me you won't do that again." This wasn't okay, this wasn't right. He didn't get it, he didn't. I felt his lips graze my ear."I saw the ghost." My eyes went wide. What the hell.

I backed up pushing his hands away. "What!" I screamed. The perplexed look on his face, showed he didn't know why I was angry. How, how could this boy just show up out of no where. How can he suddenly understand. How can he see the things, only I'm supposed to see. It's not possible. It's not. This was some cruel joke.

"Get out." I whispered pushing him away. "Ebony I." Tears were welling in my eyes. He is perfect, too perfect. I was broken. Not even broken, I was shattered and I didn't want him to get cut on my sharp edges. He knows everything, I just can't handle something like this right now. "I said, GET OUT!" I opened the door, and shoved him out. Tears were streaming down my cheeks, and I tried to smile. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'll explain, when I can find the words to say. Erin, I'm sorry." Those were the last words I said before slamming the door shut.

I couldn't get it out of my mind. The picture of his sad and hurt face was stuck in my mind. Regret filled my heart. Then again my whole life was just one big regret.