Dahil umo-o ako sa alok nya na magpakasal kami ay agad nyang minadali ang preparasyon. Ayaw ko ng engrandeng kasal na sa huli ay baka hindi ko matandaan yung maliit at importanteng detalye sa araw ng kasal ko. Gusto ko yung simple at pribado na imbitado ang mga ilang kakilala,kaibigan,at pareho naming pamilya. I want to remember every little details of everything on my special day.
Sumang ayon ako na kumuha ng wedding coordinator para sa preparasyon para hindi rin ako mag-alala sa kung anong dapat gawin. I'm thankful that my pregnancy is not as delicate as i thought before that i might ended up being lazy. Pumili kami ng design at theme para sa imbitasyon, maging ang ibang detalye ay pinagplanuhan ni Anseld na pumayag naman ako.For a busy man like him, i can't believe that he have this kind of idea, he has plan that it is ready to build, i can't believe that he's into a serious relationship and commitment. For a lifetime with me. I can't believe either that i found myself marrying someone someday,na hindi ko binalak noon.My definition of marriage is too far from what i've been doing right now. It's one of my fear...to be in this position at this moment.
I think i planned too well that it didn't happen at the end. I think i should let time do its own way over things that's suppose for me,if its really for me.Dahil kahit gaano ko man pina-plano ang lahat,may mga bagay na nangyayari na hindi ko inaasahan na darating,may mga tao kang makikilala na marahil ay iiwasan mo o kakaibiganin mo.At may mga bagay na kahit hindi mo hiningi ay binigay,marahil dahil yun ay para sayo. Fairytales,love story,marriage,prince charming,and a bundle of another life...i didn't wish for it.It's because i'm too scared to even give hope to myself that maybe it will happen to me or not? That kind of thing.
Maybe,its about unperfect person and perfect time. Yung plantsado lahat kahit yung umpisa eh medyo magulo ay sulit din sa huli.I can now appreciate what i have,what i don't have,accept what i can't have,and respect it just the way it is.I can now have a family of my own that i can call mine,i have a person that will stick with me through summer and winter-through rough and smooth kind of moments.
I realize i can have my own happy ending and happily ever after too. Sometimes,we can have those things we didn't wish at the beginning but it happened at the end.
Happiness is depend on my choices,on my decision at the end...i think.
I still have those fears...that i might ended up just like my parents,just like my dad's marriage,that one day Anseld will get tired of me and find someone else,that my marriage will be just like them in the future.It's wrong but i can't help not to think like that.
Pero paano ko malalaman kung hindi ko susubukan. I realized that just because it happened to them,it will happen to me too.May posibilidad.That kind of things i can't control nor predict.But as long as we work hard on our relationship,as long as we respect and understand each other,as long as we talk our differences and find solution in every misunderstanding,i think we are going to be there - celebrating our thirty or more years of marriage.I'll pray for that.
" Anong iniisip mo? "
My husband to be look at me like he is trying to figure out some algebra problems on the board back in school.
He always asked that. Like what i am thinking, he wants to know every bit of me.
" That maybe you and I will change later on? That kind of thing? "
Tumango tango ito. Pareho kaming tahimik at iniisip ang sagot sa sinabi ko. Hindi ko nga din alam kung may sagot ba sa bawat tanong, at kailangan ba may sagot ang bawat tanong.
" I can't promise you a days without a fight, a misunderstanding, a bad days and arguments and all, but as long we talk about it, find solution and ways to resolve it, as long as we understand each other's indifferences, respect and trust each other... then that's what love is, that's what life and journey is. We don't know about tomorrow. So, why worry about it? Ma- stress ka lang. Let's live life as it is today. Everyday. Just like what other couple's do. "
Ngumiti ako. Sa haba ng sinabi nya, tama ang lahat ng yun. Bakit mo kailangan stress-in ang sarili mo sa mga bagay na hindi pa dumating. It sounds so reckless but it's true yung madalas natin na sinasabi na bahala na.
" Oo na! Tama ka! "
" As long as we fight together, never give up, then, we're good. "
Ang dami dyan na ang perpekto na ng relasyon, na ilang taon din ang pinagsamahan pero sa huli, hindi sila para sa isa't isa. Fate or destiny... we have to work hard of what we have at hindi magdedepende sa kung ano yung tadhana na dapat para sa atin.
I looked at the man that i'm going to spend the rest of my life and i still can't believe that he is the kind of person who is serious than me when it comes to commitments and responsibilities.
Lumapit ako lalo at binigyan ito ng halik. " I know that you are going to be a good husband and maybe you will spoil our babies in the future and it keeps me falling in love all over again and again because of that. Plus, you're a good kisser and beaat in bed, dun pa lang ang swerte ko na. "
I winked at him and grinned at the same time.
Napuno ng halakhak ang buong silid dahil sa sinabi ko and i love seeing him laughing like this, being his self to me like this, yung walang pagkukunwari.
" I think you love me because i'm good in bed..."
Natawa din ako sa hirit niya. Inirapan ko ito. " Inaamin ko naman na totoo yun. Dun nag umpisa yun. I'm not into relationship or whatsoever at the beginning kaya nakuha mo yung atensyon ko sa umpisa dahil dun. "
Umiiling ito. " Ito rin ba ang dahilan kung bakit ka pumayag na magpakasal? "
This time it was me who laugh heartily. " Yes. Nakuha mo rin sa wakas. I can't wait for us to get married! When was the last time rock our bed? "
Umiiling itong natatawa sa mga sinasabi ko. Bakit ba, totoo naman ah.
