Please Understand

Chapter 5: Satisfaction Brought You Back

Nobody woke me up for dinner, probably because Mom was still mad at me. I slept all day, and I felt worse than when I fell asleep. I should've stayed awake and at least tried to do my homework, but at least this way I didn't have to talk to Dad about the stupid fight. Even if I tried to explain it, he would've been mad, and I would've heard yet another lecture because those definitely make me want to chance my mind.

My head was pounding as I sat up, and I knew my counseling session wouldn't go well with Dakota. All I could imagine was screaming, and possibly another fight breaking out in the middle of the office. I don't even want to show my face knowing everyone has probably seen the video of my defeat. It's going to be humiliating.

Despite the protesting groans, I got my butt out of bed and got ready for school. My head kept spinning as I tried to think of what to say during my counseling session. Dakota's a psycho and I was defending myself. Amelia is gone and I don't know how to deal with it. I don't know how to take the blame for this even though it's my fault. I didn't want to blame Amelia for the fight, but wasn't this kind of her fault?

Immediately, my heart sped up as I looked at the little blue diary sitting on my nightstand; I probably shouldn't have left it out in the open. Should I bring it with me? Will I even have down time to read it? Should I read it? How many moral codes will I be breaking by turning the first page?

But what if she's dead? What if she will never find out I read it?

A pain shot through me; the thought of Amelia being completely gone almost doubled me over. By reading her diary am I admitting she's dead, or am I looking for clues? Could she have written something down to help me find her? Was I meant to come across her diary? Maybe she wants me to find her and rescue her. Did she plan all of this? I wouldn't put it passed her

Gently, I placed the little diary in my backpack, trying to make sure I didn't bend any of pages. Amelia would freak out anytime I borrowed one of her books, and she would have a whole list of things I couldn't do. Do not get any pencil marks on the pages, do not dog ear any of the pages, if it's a paperback book, then do not bend the entire book, and do not lose any of her books. Some days I felt like the only thing she cared about was her collection of books, but now thinking about it, I don't remember noticing her bookshelf. Surely all of her books were still there, but I don't remember seeing them. I looked over my shoulder to her window, but couldn't see inside her room. All the lights were off, and there was no way I would be trying to go in there again, even though the curiosity was killing me.

"But satisfaction brought you back," Amelia would reply with a sly smile as she looked up at me with those huge blue eyes. Even though she hasn't been up in my room for years, I could imagine her sitting on the edge of my bed with her legs crossed.

I had to shake her out of my head as my throat tightened and every piece of me burned. I wanted her back, but all I could do for now was take a deep breath and get this day over with.

My mind was still racing as I drove to school, and tried to remember if I had seen her books yesterday. If they are gone, then that means she left willingly, but if they are still there, then wouldn't that imply she was abducted? Maybe her room has all the answers, but no one has looked closely enough. I'm sure no one wants to be in there for long with the pungent smells and Danny. Maybe I could sneak in while he's out at the bar.

As I pulled into the parking lot I realized how crazy I was acting, but a fire was ignited inside me. Nothing was going to quench my desire to find Amelia.

Well, nothing except all the stares and snickers from my classmates.

Luke came up and slapped my lower back as he matched my strides. "Why are you here, man? I heard you were expelled after your fight, and you weren't at practice last night, so I thought it was true!" he explained as he flashed a mid-sentence smile to a group of Freshman girls who were probably drooling over us.