Please Understand

Chapter 28: My Ending

The money I earned from work paid for my therapy, but I decided I needed to quit going. There wasn't enough time in the day to get everything I wanted done, so I needed a change. Maybe she was helping me get over my disgrace of a childhood, but I felt like something else could help even more. A new change. The idea wasn't entirely mine, but I felt peace with it once it all started falling into place. Eventually, this would bring me happiness. Some parts of the plan frightened me, but I couldn't let go. Patience was the only thing that could get me through this burning hell.

The people were always nice when I went up to their doorsteps with my backpack filled with marijuana. They always paid what I asked them to, and didn't put up a fight when they saw a girl they could take advantage of. Maybe they were extra nice because of my gender, or maybe it was the dead look in my eyes that told them not to mess with me. The only time I showed weakness was whenever a man opened the door and invited me inside; my body would involuntarily shake, my knees would buckle, but I got over it after enough practice. I was always scared men wouldn't pay, or they would try something, but I knew my supplier would find out. The supplier was the only person I could trust to have my back. If they ever found out that someone hurt me, then all hell would break loose. Even though they lived in Ontario, I knew they would make a special trip to help me.

A middle aged man opened the door, raised his eyebrows at me, but invited me inside. "What's a girl like you doing selling drugs?" he asked as he pulled out his wallet, and counted his cash. His house smelled of incense, but at least he kept it clean. 

I licked my chapped lips as I thought of a decent explanation. "The opportunity came to me, and I couldn't afford to pass it up," I answered as I took the money away from him, and double checked. "Here." I pulled a baggy out of my backpack and handed it over to him.

"Be careful out there," he grumbled as he inspected his purchase. "There are some crazy people out there, and you have a whole life ahead of you. Don't do anything stupid."

I smirked at him and walked out the door. This whole situation was a mistake, but it was the only thing I could do to ensure I could have a life outside of this dreadful town. If I stayed here, then I wouldn't have anything ahead of me. I had one last chance at happiness, and I wasn't going to waste it.

Now, I hope you're reading this after I'm long gone. Once no one is looking for me, and perhaps I'm buried in the ground. My hopes and intentions are truly my own. Sincerely, I hope no one is looking for me. I hope they don't care that I'm gone. I hope they understand.

My intentions? Something needed to change. I needed my chance to make this life worth living. I needed something new to make my heart full again. I'm looking for something to awaken my soul, to help me remember the reasons I write. My potential was being squandered here. I didn't feel like I could be true to myself and still live in this world, so I found a new one.

Maybe something accidentally will happen to me, but for now, it was premeditated.

This plan was working until I found myself one hundred dollars short on Friday the 16th. I convinced my coworker to buy the rest of my marijuana, so I could have the money I needed to catch the next flight out of here. Little did I know that his buddy was going to be dragged into it. For both of their sakes, even though I don't owe them anything, I will leave these two unnamed, so they may have a future they've always dreamed of as I pursue mine.