Please Understand

Chapter 22: Fairy Tales

I was slowly reaching the end of her diary, but it felt like it was all moving so quickly. Part of me didn't want to reach the end because then she would really be gone. There wouldn't be anything else to keep my anxiety at bay. I missed another day of school because I preferred to stay in bed with dry, itchy eyes. My homework was finished from the day before, even though I didn't want to do it. Mom was hovering as soon as Carlie left, asking questions, and making sure I was doing my work.

Today, Mom stayed home with me in case I needed anything, but I wished she would've left me alone. I didn't want to worry about her bursting into my room while I was reading the diary because I needed to finish it. I didn't want to take a break and hide it while I attempted to have a normal conversation.

Homecoming Freshman year was one last attempt at a normal life. This wasn't even my doing; Mrs. Maxwell planned it all. I felt ridiculous in the tight red dress she helped me pick out, and I hated having my hair curled and half of it pulled back in two braids. I stood next to Mason as we posed for another picture with our tight smiles, and awkward shoulders. We weren't the best friends we thought we would always be.

Mason didn't want to be going with me, I knew it, but a small piece still hoped tonight could change everything. Maybe he would realize I wanted to be with him. At that time, I was developing a tiny crush, but what girl didn't? He bulked up over the summer for football, plus he had always been cute. We grew up next door to each other, so shouldn't we fall into a cliched love? Awkward, weird nerd hopelessly falls in love with blonde Adonis, and somehow, at the end of the story, they magically end up together.

Too bad my life has never been a fairy tale.

I sat in his car as he zoomed towards the restaurant. My hands were shaking, so I smoothed the extravagant dress. Wearing something so shiny and expensive felt foreign. I was afraid of ruining this dress, or this night. Maybe it was my anxiety that ruined everything. I was trying too hard to be perfect for him because I thought that's what he wanted. I thought he deserved the perfect girl, and I fell into the pressure.

I felt like I was walking in glass heels, one wrong move and they would shatter, leaving me bloody and sore. If I wasn't perfect, even for one moment, then the allusion would be shattered, and he would once again see me as the girl in black baggy clothing and greasy hair. He would remember me as the ten year old girl who peed in PE. We would never move on into a romantic relationship if I couldn't let go of the past and be perfect.

Be a princess for just one night.

"Mason?" There was a hard tap on my door, and I hid the diary under my comforter. Mom walked in with a small smile and my homework in her hands. "How are you feeling?"

I smiled as she set the papers on my desk, straightening up as she did so. "I'm good. I was thinking about going to school tomorrow," I flatly stated, sounding far less than confident.

She stared at me, and pressed her lips together. Today, she didn't wear her red lipstick. "Are you sure? We should be hearing about the DNA test, hopefully by tomorrow," she replied as she went back to adjusting books and pencils.