Please Understand

Chapter 27: Anxiety-Ridden Washout

After my meeting, I wandered around the house as I tried to clear my head from my obsessive thoughts. Part of me wanted to play video games, but there were more important things I should work on before my therapist gets here. I should be thinking about my football offers, maybe make a decision, and figure out how I'm going to help Luke get his own scholarships. I road the bench most of our game on Friday, so he could show off, but the scout was still impressed by me. I don't know how I could still possibly be the center of attention after I tried to pass the spotlight on. What school would want an anxiety-ridden washout?

My phone vibrated in my pocket as I searched my room for the blue diary I hid before I left. I didn't want Mom to find it, so I hid it in a new spot every time I left. It was getting hard to be away from Amelia's words; I wanted them close to me at all times. If I couldn't have her here, then this was the next best thing. I felt like I was getting closer to her, and that maybe Detective Nix was closer to finding her. The diary was under all of my shirts in the second drawer of my dresser, and immediately my heart felt full again. The only thing left to give me hope was held in shaking hands.

When I crawled into my bed, I pulled my phone out of my back pocket, and rolled my eyes at the messenger notification. Dakota was probably freaking out at me about something. Luckily, he hasn't tried talking to me since my argument with Luke, but I was still waiting for it. For some reason, he's decided to be my protector, but I didn't need him around. I'm slowly regaining control of life, and having him breathing down my neck wasn't helping.

I wanted to open the diary, but I knew I would be sucked in for hours if I started reading. Finally, I brought myself to unlock my phone to see a message request.

My breath caught in my throat when I saw the familiar red hair. Allison Collins? I hesitated with my finger over the approve button as my heart accelerated. What could she possibly want? How did she find me? I thought I stalked her without bringing any attention to myself. How could she have known I looked at her profile? I got the information I wanted, so what is she doing in my messages?

Approve.

What do you think you're doing? Stay off my profile.

I knitted my eyebrows together and tried to remember this morning, but it felt like a million years ago. My jaw dropped as I gaped at my phone once the realization struck. Did I accidentally like her picture? There was no other explanation, no other reason for her knowing.

I'm sorry did I do something wrong

I chewed on my lip and stared with wide eyes as I watched three little dots pop up on my screen. The taunted me as they lit up, and I tortured myself with imaginations of what she might say. I couldn't bring myself to look away from the screen. She was terrifying from miles away.

"Mason, you need to relax," Amelia whispered as she wandered over to the edge of my bed, wearing baggy black clothes. She tried to smile, but this time I knew she was fake.

These visions hadn't been happening as often, and I wasn't about to allow myself to go down that road again. I gulped, shook my head, and looked back down at my phone. Knock it off, Mason. I hafn't been seeing her lately because my therapist and I had worked hard on controlling these imaginations. This couldn't be happening, not right now. I needed to focus.

"Come on, this girl isn't going to help you find me," she murmured as she laid with her head on my lap. She stared up at me with wide blue eyes, and I noticed her dark circles.

My hands shook, and I held back tears as I thought of all the times she had been up in this room, helped me with homework, or begged me to cook with her. Here she was, or so I wished, resting the way she should be; she should be here with me. She should feel safe, and protected. I wished so hard that she was here, so I wouldn't even have to worry about this Allison girl and her threats.

As soon as my phone beeped, I looked away from her, and held my breath as my eyes focused on the screen.

Back off.

My eyes widened, and my fingers flew as I typed my reply, but my message wouldn't send. I gritted my teeth, and clicked on her profile, but I couldn't see it anymore. Blocked. She blocked me! I tossed my phone onto the floor, and Amelia sat up straight.

"Get over it. She's probably creeped out that you were liking her pictures," she stated with a small, tired smile. "You can't just stalk people and expect them to be okay with it."

I clenched my jaw shut tighter, and resisted the urge to scream at my own thoughts. Of course, it was a mistake that I liked her picture, but I didn't mean to. Maybe I was too excited by what I discovered. I should've taken a screenshot of the picture though because now I will never have the proof I need.

Unless I tell Detective Nix to look into Allison's profile since I can't anymore, but what information does she really provide?

Do I really want the police to find what I discovered?

I looked at the pretend Amelia who was now wandering around my room the way she used to, moving stuff around just because she knew it would drive me crazy. She fluttered from one object to the next, shaking a snow globe, tilting a picture, moving a trophy, and then she glanced back at me to smile. I wanted these small moments back, I wanted Amelia next door, and I wanted to make up for lost time.

No, I needed to do this myself. I'm going to bring Amelia home.