Please Understand

Chapter 37: Distrust

Mason

Mom was waiting for me with her hands clasped in front of herself, and I noticed her as soon as I walked into the lobby of the airport. Her red lips were set in a disappointed pout which stood out against her pale skin. Politely, she hugged me and kissed my cheek, leaving a sticky mark. "Hi honey," she murmured with a forced smile. "How was your trip?"

I smiled back at her, wiped the lipstick off my cheek, and tried to ignore the bad feeling that twisted in my stomach. "It was actually really nice," I replied, and continued telling her about the college tour as we walked out to the car.

She nodded along, but her lips were pressed into a thin line, like she didn't believe me. While I was gone, I thought I was being careful by sending her pictures of the school throughout the day, so she wouldn't realize I was only there for an hour. For awhile, we drove in silence until we turned down our street. "Mason, I need to tell you something," she finally spoke up. She glanced over at me as her hands tightened around the steering wheel.

I raised my eyebrow at her. She used to be so put together, at least she's trying now, but something still makes her appear sloppy or exhausted. "What's wrong? Are you okay?" I asked with sincere concern. What could've went wrong when I was gone? Please don't let this be about Amelia. Please.

A sigh filled the car, and I felt the heaviness crushing me. The suspense was killing me. "I know you went to see Amelia," she began, whipping her head back to inspect me. "You wrote it in your journal-"

"What are you even talking about?" I shouted as my heart drummed in my ears and my face heated up with anger towards myself. I erased that one sentence, so how did she read it?

She took in a deep breath the way she always does when she's irritated at me, but she was trying to keep her cool. "You tried to erase it, but you still wrote that you were going to Seattle to look for her," she accused. "It left an imprint."

"She wasn't there!" I exclaimed, pressing my hands against my thighs, so she couldn't see them shaking.

She slammed on the brakes at the stop sign, and turned to stare at me again with tears in her eyes. "I put a tracker on your phone! You weren't even at the college! You were at an apartment!" she shouted in pure rage that she has never possessed. "You were only there for an hour, and then you ran around Seattle!"

I pressed my hands against the dash, and involuntarily, my eyes widened and jaw dropped at the distrust. I took in a deep breath and latched onto the first lie that flew through my mind. Probably not my finest moment. "Mom, I need to tell you something," I whispered, and I ran my fingers through my hair. I should've thought about my words before they came spewing out of my mouth. "I'm gay. I talked to the coach to see how he felt about having a gay quarterback, and he's all for it, but he wants me to be open. He told me I should come out before this week's game, so I can be openly gay before college. So I can make a statement." She's not buying it. "I was staying at a guy's apartment. I've been talking to him for a few months now." I let a few tears roll down my cheeks, and swallowed the lump in my throat. I was scared for Amelia; I don't care about my reputation. People can think whatever they want about me as long as I can keep her safe. "His name is Hans. I just didn't want you and Dad to find out. I didn't want you to be disappointed."

She still sat at the stop sign, refusing to look at me, and squeezing tighter until her fingers turned white. Tears streamed down her face as she thought over my words. "Stop lying! Mason, stop!" she exclaimed as she pounded the steering wheel. The horn blared and my heart stopped; I've never been this afraid of Mom. "Stop." She pressed her head in her hands, and leaned forward.

I watched in horror at her outburst because I've never seen her lose her cool like this. "I'm telling the truth," I muttered as my last attempt. My chest convulsed, the sound of my heavy breathing filled the car, and I wished I could be more convincing.

Luckily, I didn't have to hear her sobs. "Detective Nix is already there to bring her home," she whispered into her hands and I watched her body tremble.

I grabbed the door handle, and stumbled out of the car. The sound of Mom's shrill screams filled the air as she yelled at me to come back, but I walked away from her. My arms hung limply at my sides, and I didn't care who saw me walk down the street with red, tear stained cheeks. I don't know why I was being so emotional, but I couldn't bring myself to care. This was all about Amelia. Everything that happened between Mom and I didn't matter. When my phone buzzed in my back pocket, I wanted to ignore it because I thought it would be my mother, but I had to look.

Are you home?

A text from an unknown number made my heart sink further into my chest because I knew I ruined Amelia's life once again.

Rose?

I drummed my fingers across the back of the case as I continued walking back into the city. There was no where to go, but I definitely wasn't going back home to my sneaky parents. Why did she think it would be alright to go through my journal? It was meant to help me with my anxiety, and my therapist said it would be kept private. Of course, I was lying to them, but that still doesn't give her the right to track my phone.

Yes.

I gulped, and wanted to find a way to discreetly tell her what happened. Maybe she hasn't read my letter yet, why else would she be texting me? She should be angry, and she shouldn't want to talk to me. But also, why is she risking everything to ask me if I'm home? It's not important if I'm home or not. This small risk doesn't matter because she's already about to lose it all.

Rose, they know where you are.

As soon as I hit the send button, I rubbed my forehead, and more tears sprang to my eyes. What were we supposed to do? Even if I was there, I don't know if I could help. There's definitely nothing I can do now.

What do I do?

I bit on the insides of my cheeks until the metallic taste coated my tongue. There wasn't anything I could tell her to do. We ran out of luck. Everything was already in motion, and it was all my fault.

Hide. Get out of that apartment.

Mom is probably looking through my texts, but maybe I was being careful enough that she wouldn't care. Maybe she wouldn't make the connection that Rose is Amelia. They're already looking for Amelia, so she doesn't have any reason to look through my texts anymore.

Thanks bud.

Her words stung, but I knew it was my own fault for leaving that letter. I lied to her in order to protect her, but somehow I still screwed it all up. I tried letting her go, and the lies caught up to me. Maybe I should have ran away too. We both could've left Seattle, and moved somewhere completely unexpected. Anything we did would've been harder, but I would give everything to have her. I never wanted to break her heart, but Allison made it sound like I had to let her go. She was right, if I really loved Amelia, then I should have never searched for her.