hidden life - septiplier

○tired. sleep○

Jess's pov.

I realise now.
I stood within a crowd in shock. I was such a fucking idiot. I hid my eyes. I don't want to see this. Oh god no. Please please.

I don't know what happened but I saw him get dragged over screaming and kicking. This is all my fault.
I ran all the way home and sat on the edge of my bed. I stared at the floor, my vision clouded my tears. I took my high heels off and went to the bathroom. He's okay but it's still my fault he attempted. I wiped my already smeared makeup off. Revealing my ugly freckles and pale lips. I tied my dyed blond hair up. I took my Blue contact lenses out and I changed my tight shirt and short skirt to a baggy grey shirt. I left my pants off but left my underwear. I just got in bed and cried.

I've fucked up.
Well done jess.
You fucking ugly cow.

When i got up my hair was messy. And my eyes red. I need to change me.
I realise now.
I've become fake.
I brought out hair colour remover and doused my hair in it. After a while my hair was my natural colour.
Ginger.
I looked in the mirror at my curly ginger hair. I threw away my make up and flat irons. I was having a full on fucking realisation crisis. I started to throw my high heels and all of my tight clothes into the bin. I was sick of who I had become. I cried whilst I threw things out.

I soon fell asleep. School is gonna be hard tomorrow.

I woke up and threw on some jeans, not bothering to change the shirt. I walked to school and Amy walked up to me. "Jess? Wow you look, different. You're so pretty," i smiled slightly. "Thanks babe. I just don't like who I had become."
"Yeah. This is about jack right? I feel really fucked too,"
"Can we not bully him any more. I just felt so blind to his struggle,"
"Yeah... I don't know about Heather though," she was true. Heather was stubborn. And bratty. She was the only one out of the three of us whose blonde hair was natural. And you could tell. Amy had naturally dark brown hair. We then decided to change the subject and walk to class.

Marks pov. (Day of the 'incident')

The 'crowd' had cleared and i had just called jacks mother. And mine. It went along the lines of:
"Hey Mark,"
"Hi...*sniff* Umm can you come to the bridge on east road?"
"Yeah why mark. Is everything okay?"
Worry was evident now.
"Well it's okay now. It's about jack,"
"Right. I'm coming now. Your mum's here too,"
She hung up and i turned back to jack who was still crying softly. "My mum's coming to pick us up now," he nodded. His boss was still here, I'm gonna go thank him. "Hey Jackie just let go for a minute," i removed his shaking hand

"Is he okay?" He said gesturing towards the tired jack sat on the floor.
"Yeah. Sorry you had to do that. I should've been here," i said wiping a stray tear. He put a hand on my shoulder and smiled. "C'mere," he gave me an unexpected bear hug. I chuckled at the friendly gesture and returned it.

He let go when my mum had arrived.  The car hadn't even fully stopped and jack's mum was running to him, tears streaming down her face.

Jacks pov.

"Jack!" I looked up and before I knew it my mum was here with her arms wrapped around me. I gasped as she sobbed. "Oh jack. Why . Why would you do this,"
"I-I just wanna die mum," i cried into her shoulder as she kissed my head.
"I won't let you. I promise it will get better son,"

-time skip- to the day after.

I woke up with mark today.
"Hey jackie,"
"Hey,"
Yes. I'm grumpy today. Why? Because I have a scheduled appointment at the hospital.

I shuffle out of bed with the same old weight on my chest. I look in the mirror and grunts in displeasure at my horrid body. I lift my shirt slightly and look at my stomach... ew...

I don't change my shirt and threw on some jeans and shoes. I don't want to wash myself today. I don't want to live today. "Jack have you taken your medication?"
"No."
"Please do," he grabs the bottle and hands me one pill. I grunt and swallow it without water.
"I guess you're not feeling too well today?"
"Well no then," i spit. Sorry I'm like this mark. Just hold on. I need to sort myself out. Then i won't be such a bitch.
"No need to be like that. You know I care," he says firmly.
"Yeah well... I don't know,"
"Cmon were going in a bit," i nodded and put my shoes on, not tying the laces letting them hang and drag on the floor. I slump to Marks car without saying bye to my mum. I'm such a bitch.

Mark gets in the car and drives to the hospital. Once we get there he gives my name to the lady at reception.
"I'm here with jack mcloughlin. He has an appointment today with     
Dr. Masslin?" She looks at me nastily and nods. I sigh at her rude gesture and we go and sit and wait for my name to be called.

After a while a doctor shouts my name and i shuffle to the assigned room. I sat down and the woman sat at her desk turned around.

"Hi jack. So you're here for attempted suicide yes?"
I nod. I can't talk today. I don't know why. I just can't.
"Okay so I want to know. How are you with your family, parents?"
"M-my mum is cool," i replied. Please don't ask about dad. Please don't ask about dad. Please don't ask about dad. "What about your father?"
"U-um i-i-i Um. He's not here," shit. Why. She gave me a 'look' . Not a nasty one. Just a questioning one as she wrote something down.
"Okay. And do you have any friends at school or a girlfriend,"
"I-I have a boyfriend," disappointment.
Failure.
Fag.
"That's sweet. What is his name?" She said kindly. Oh.
"M-mark," Oh lord I love that name. I love saying it too. Mark. What a beautiful person aswell. Perfections in one man. He is everything I'm not. He is the something to make up for my nothing. He is the tape holding me together...

Anyway...

"Is he the one with you today?"
I nod. He's so supportive. I wish I could say that. I'm just tired. "Now. Jack the hospital have examined your recent 'problems' and have decided on having you stay at the ward for a week, or more depending on your condition,"
"Oh," i say bluntly. I don't really care. I'm just tired. "We've asked your mother and she has concented for you to go,"

Oh.
I just nodded.
"Okay. We want you to pack a bag with clothes and necessities. I promise this will be good for you,"
"Okay,"

After the awkward session. I walk out and mark drives me home. Once I get in i shuffle up the stairs and kick of my dirty shoes. And I get in bed. And I curl into a ball. And I just start to cry.
All of my emotions suddenly come out as i fade away from the world around me.

I feel a dip in the bed near my feet but I don't pay it much attention. It's probably mark.

Mark then pulled the blanket from my head. "Oh jack, C'mere baby," i clutched onto him as he wrapped his arms around me. "Your gonna get better. I promise,"

"I'm sorry I've been a bitch," i whimpered. "Jack it's okay. Cmon. Calm down. How's about you take a nap. You look tired,"
I yawned and nodded. He lay me down and wiped my tears.

Then i let my hopefully eternal sleep take me.