hidden life - septiplier

○dad○

Marks pov.

I woke up to my alarm with my green bean in my arms. I wonder what scared him so much last night. How bad was his father. Whilst them thoughts rampage through my mind I hear a small whine from below me. I look down to see Jack with only one eye open.

He sits up and hugs me. I'm really concerned now.
"Hey jack? Why are you so afraid of your dad?" His eyes glance all around the room but never to my face. "Um I. He beat me. And once it turned into rape." He started to cry and cry as he hugged the blanket from the bed. I was speechless.

Jacks pov.

I started to cry as memories of the beatings came back to me. He used to kick me so much that I'd throw up and once he even went as far as to almost drown me in the bath.

Mark was speechless. He probably thinks I'm disgusting now. I mean my dad fucked me. He wouldn't want to touch me. I'm so gross. The worst thing is that he thought I was a Virgin. He thought that he'd be the one taking it. Not my dad when i was 13. I'm such a disappointment.

"Jack. I'm so sorry," seriously.

"Yeah. I'm okay," seriously.

"Jack how could you be. I love you so much and you are in so much pain and everyone who passes can see that. They can see the bags under your eyes, and they can see that you tug on your sleeves. They can see what they think is you. You may think no one can see but it's obvious that your not okay."

"I-I then why dosent any one take note. Because they don't care. Because I'm worthless."

"Jack don't say that."

"Why not!?"

"Jack... just don't. It hurts me too,"
I knew I fucked up. I hurt him. I hurt the one I love. "I-I I'm s-sorry. Please. I-I just need though T-that you saw me as disgusting now you know that my dad fucked me. I feel disgusting. I-its horrible. I-I just don't know what to do anymore. I really wanna die,"
He just looked at me with tears in his eyes.
"You're not disgusting jack. You are a victim of rape and abuse. Try not to let that get in the way of knowing what I think of you. I think your beautiful and brave, but know that everyone breaks sometimes and recovery isn't easy. I'll be here for you. It's going to be okay, you have such a bright future that your gonna live but nobody said that it was going to be a fun journey,"

I just sobbed as he held me.
I'm so relieved.

Next thing I know.

I'm bent over the toilet gagging up the little food that I ate. You were expecting me to fall asleep in his arms and i was too. But a day wouldn't be a day without sadness. Once I has finished I washed up and weighed myself 7 stone before I was six stone. I felt my world practically crumble. I had put on a stone. I was so much better last time but then I ate normally and this shit happened. I'm so disgusting.
I can just picture myself eating all that food. Like a fucking pig. I feel so heavy and fat. My stomach churned more but I knew that I couldn't throw up more. I ran into mark's room crying and his face went from neutral to panick. I buried my face in his shirt and cried. "Woah Woah... It's okay... what happened?"
"I-I put on a stone!"
"Jack that's Amazing why are you crying?"
"I-I'm so fat now. I can see it!" I cried more. "Jack remember what I said? You are beautiful. Your nowhere near fat. You are so thin and you need to eat,"

"I cant. I-i don't want to put on any more weight," i bawled.

"Shh Shh it's okay. Jack it's all gonna be okay, trust me."

_____________

After i had stopped crying we got ready for school. I put on an extra large hoodie and used it to hide the shame from my fat, scarred body. Mark wore his flannel and blue jeans. He looked amazing like usual. We went downstairs and greeted our mothers. My mum beckoned me over to talk to her. "Yeah?"
"Jack have you been eating? You seem awfully skinny,"
"U-um yeah. Maybe it's just what I'm wearing?"
"Please tell the truth,"
"I gained a stone. I feel so bad," i whimpered, trying not to cry. "Jackie that's good. Please eat lunch today okay? It'll do you good,"
"I'll try,"
No i won't.

Mark got his lunch and I pretended to pick up mine. I was going to throw it away but mark grabbed my hand and shook his head.
"Please don't," he whispered. I hesitantly shoved it in my bag with a huff and we went out of the door. As we approached the school i sigh as i see jess and her group outside the main entrance. They laugh as i walk past and poke at my arms on purpose. It hurt but they just laughed.
"Get away from jack. bitch!" Mark scowled. "Oooh is the cutters boyfriend gonna save him. Can even save yourself." Jess laughed. She's right. Mark guided me away and to our first class.

When lunch hit I ate but right after I really needed to purge. I tugged on marks sleeve and he nodded sadly. I ran to nearby bathroom and threw up. I ate so much I can't believe myself.
I bet everyone noticed.
I wiped my mouth with some toilet roll and a mouthful of water.

To think of it...
I've thought of jumping off of almost every bridge in the world. And balcony and window. You know. Just high spaces in general. Usually I'm afraid of falling but when your suicidal your not afraid of anything. Except for getting out alive. Cos when your suicidal you crave to hug the ground.

My thoughts were cut short by a teacher. "Hello sean. Are you okay? Why were you throwing up?" She asked in my face. I stepped back and mumbled my words. "I'm just sick," i grew more paranoid. I think she's onto me.
"Sean you seem awfully skittish. Are you sure you're okay,"
"Mhm," i nodded quickly walking off to find mark.

When i found him he was staring at the floor. As soon as I sat down his head jolted up. He smiled. "You okay now?"
"Yeah sorta,"

The whole day then went by and I once again learned nothing. Yay me.