We need more Kleinsen

Venting oneshot

Before I do this really depressing vent oneshot, I just wanna thank everyone for 2.11 views and 213 votes!!!!
Anyways TW-VERY GRAPHIC SELF HARM AND SELF HATE INCLUDING GAY SLURS.

The cuts keep going deeper and more self depreciating thoughts flowed through my mind. With each cut, a thought went through my head. The thoughts alone were enough to feel like daggers. I know it wasn't smart to do this again. I'm running out of room on my arms. So I started on my thighs. Worse thoughts flowing through my mind as worse cuts made blood flow down my legs and wrists.

Fat. Ugly. Stupid. Faggot. Loser. Annoying. Shitty. Asshole. Queer. Idiot. Unloved. Depressed. Weirdo. Cutter. Suicidal. He'll never love you. He's happy without you. He already has someone else. No one wants you. No one will miss you. Just die already. Just die. Die. Die. Die. Die. DIE. DIE. DIE. KILL YOURSELF YOU FUCKING IMBECILE.

I felt tears in my face as I started losing consciousness. I was scared. I will never wake up this time. I smiled. Fuck this world.

He was laying in a pool of blood when his mom found him. She wrapped his arms and took him to the hospital.

Beep.                      Beep.                   Beep.                 Beep.                   Beep.      Beep.            Beep.             Beep.               Beep.       Beep.       Beep.       Beep.     Beep.  Beep.  Beep.  Beep.  Beep.  Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
"-CHARGE!" Zap.
Beep. Beep. Beep.  Beep.   Beep.   Beep.      Beep.     Beep.    Beep.       Beep.        Beep.      Beep.     Beep.       Beep.               Beep.             Beep.             Beep.                      Beep.                             Beep.                      Beep.

His heartbeat was steady.

Tears flew down my face as I sighed in relief. My best friend almost died. He flatlined for heck's sake! But they revived him! I kept thanking the doctors. They saved him life.

It took him a week to say anything. Even then he would only talk to the doctors if they asked him any questions about his state of health.

Two weeks later and he still won't talk to me or anyone else. I miss his voice.

Three weeks later. I was in the room alone with him. He was looking at me and I was looking back at him.

"I should be dead."

I felt my eyes tear up at his words. He said it so coldly too. He spoke like he didn't even care that he almost died.

"N-no! Don't think l-like that!"
I said back with concern.

"Evan... I wanted- no - I WANT to die. I should be dead. I wasn't supposed to come here. I was supposed to bleed out and fucking die!"
His voice got louder as he spoke. He was crying. I was too.

"Jared, I would've been so sad if you died. You're my best friend."

He started laughing?

"W-why are you laughing?"

He didn't answer. He just started sobbing and laughing at the same time. I just sat there. I reached my hand to his and I squeezed it. His hand just sat there limp in mine.

He looked at me with his bloodshot eyes and wide smile. Then the smile went away. His lip quivered before he burst out in coughing.

I was terrified. He was coughing blood. He looked back at me again. He smiled a genuine smile. And whispered goodbye my love~

Jared was dead for good. He was-

I broke down holding his limp hang up to my face.

"NOOOOOOOO!"
I screamed and searched for any sign of life.

Any sign at all...

I looked at the heart monitor. The flat line seemingly mocking me. I cried harder as doctors dragged me out of the room. I just stood there off to the side, outside of the room. Tears flowing down my blank face.

It all happened so suddenly. My mind was still registering.

When it finally settled in my mind, I fell to my knees, unable to get up. I couldn't hold back my sobs. When a doctor came out I stood up, using the. Wall for support.

They explained to me what happened and I nodded and pretended like I understood, but really my ears were failing me and I was too distraught to hear anything they said.

You guys didn't need your hearts right? You doing need feelings right?